Title: Sinking (1/1)
Summary: "Zack's too startled to pretend that he isn't."
Rating: R for m/m slash, mild sex, language.
Distribution: Ask and receive.
Disclaimer: Cameron and Eglee.
Date: March 25, 2001.
Note: For those on DarkAngelfic who commented that there isn't much slash in the fandom. My little contribution lies below.
They were taught about death and pain and perseverance. Manticore hadn't ever thought to teach them about pleasure. He figures that's quite the oversight. Roll back, years clicking back to a hot day in August, glass of lemonade cracking in hand and an erection straining at his pants as he watched the young man across from him. Agony he knew what to do with, shunt it aside, channel it into energy, do anything but let it rule you. Short nail scrapping across his nipple, and that hadn't been anything bad, had it? Pleasure he didn't need to guard against, because he didn't know about pleasure, because slide back a few more years and he was swallowing back bile as they drilled a hole through his shoulder. Rocking into sensation, and he had snapped a chair to pieces. He'd buried himself against the other young man, swallowed Kurt's breath into lungs that didn't need air for minutes yet. He had come screaming his pleasure into the destruction around him.
Never let them see you coming. He has taken that piece of advice to heart. Zack's too startled to pretend that he isn't. Fingers slip beneath the band of Zack's jeans, stares into his CO's shocked face, he's surprised that Zack hadn't seen their every moment together leading towards this moment. Flip back two years and Zack stepped through his window, and in his bedroom he'd pushed Ralph off of him. Dressed quick, hissed a stay at the man on his bed and had gone out to meet Zack. They had gone into the kitchen, and he had stood behind the counter, hiding and wishing that Zack would see and ask and for fuck's sake touch him. Sex in the air, against his skin, and another man's jacket was thrown across the back of one of the kitchen's chairs.
Zack never asked, sure as hell never touched, had stayed ten minutes and slipped away. He's gone back into his bedroom and Ralph's stare. Zack in his head and he'd looked at Ralph and swallowed back want and anger and never-to-be. Ralph had left, grabbed his damned jacket ten minutes too late. Hand around his cock and he'd thought of Zack, and he'd stopped feeling guilty about fucking Zack in his thoughts years ago.
Zack's saying something and he isn't listening, is tired of listening and obeying Zack and never doing what he damned well wants. I'm here, he thinks. I want this. I won't break like anyone else would under your touch. I'm not in love with someone else. I'm not Max, but she doesn't want you, and she's not what you need. He doesn't say it, because Zack doesn't believe words, so he sinks instead, his fingers at Zack's zipper. "Fuck!" And he nearly laughs at the explosive word because Zack's finally getting it.
He hasn't been pushed away, and that's something. Hot flesh against his tongue, and God, he's doing this and this is real and Zack's breathing hard above him. And this moment is enough to make him glad that they burst into snow and light and life, because the world has chipped away at Zack's distance as close proximity and Lydecker and duty had never allowed. Rock into wide open mouth, and you're finally getting it, aren't you, Zack?
Flash forward, and Zack has turned back in on himself. Tucked away, straight-spined and stiff lipped at one of the living-room's sole straight-backed chairs. Taste still in his mouth, against his lips, lust still humming and sparking through him, he sits across the room from Zack. Zack's lips open, close, and he finds words that he thought fit between them, but has suddenly realized are ill-suited and lacking in depth. Zack forces the words and he listens to his commanding officer and knows that Zack isn't about to ask, will set touch aside and pretend to be strong and unaffected and the same man he was when he climbed through the window tonight.
But Zack's still here, and that's something, and he figures he's just about as cunning as any of them when he has his goal in sight. Zack will make the rounds of the X-5s, and he'll show up to see him again and that's plenty of time. So he nods and mumbles the words Zack wants to hear and sucks at the insides of his cheeks.
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