In the Company of Sorrow
by Emily M.From: "Emily M." <email@example.com> Subject: [glass_onion] (XF): In the Company of Sorrow - PG Date: Monday, August 12, 2002 1:08 PM TITLE: In the Company of Sorrow AUTHOR: Emily M. RATING: PG CATEGORY: V, A KEYWORDS: Diana, Krycek SPOLIERS: Dead Alive WEBSITE: http://www.the-road-home.net/qstreet DISCLAIMER: The characters in this story belong to Chris Carter, FOX, and 1013. SUMMARY: Diana deals with Mulder's death, Alex deals with Diana's grief. ARCHIVE: Yes, but let me know. NOTES: For the first of the funeral challenges at the Harem. Sort of. I warped it. Oh, and Diana lived. Denial's great this time of year. ;) Thanks to Maidenjedi for posting these great challenges.
In the Company of Sorrow
By Emily M.
"Who's going to put flowers on my grave?"
She was speaking rather well for someone who'd had three drinks and was working on a fourth.
He glanced up, not understanding what she meant. The alcohol must have been affecting her by now because she continued without being prompted. "Fox left flowers on my grave. Who's going to leave them now?" She slowly drained the vodka left in the shot glass. Diana had laughed when he offered it in response to her request for liquor. She'd said, "Alex, if you're going to try to pass yourself off as an American, at least drink beer." Then she'd flopped down on the couch in a very un-Diana like way and begun to drink herself into oblivion.
He poured her another shot. "I don't even know why I went. Maybe I was looking for closure. You'd think I would have found it before now. It's not like our relationship was going anywhere." She laughed bitterly and drained the shot glass. He didn't refill it this time.
"It didn't even seem real. I was standing there, watching this happen and it was like I was standing outside myself. I always knew it was possible, I've thought he was dead before, but this was so...final." She leaned back against the couch.
"He was such a stupid romantic. When we worked together, he would leave post-it notes on my desk with ideas about cases and asking me to look up things. He always put a little heart on the bottom of the note. It was so stupid. But I did the same thing for him. The day he asked me to marry him, we went to New York to see the Knicks play. I hated basketball, but I went anyway. Then we went for pizza and he said any woman who hated sports as much as I did and would still watch it with him was worth keeping around and he had a bribe to make sure I stayed."
She reached for the vodka but her grip slipped and it fell to the floor. Alex picked the rapidly emptying bottle up before it all spilled out. He was regretting his choice to let her have the good stuff. He replaced the bottle on the coffee table and turned to her, but she seemed to be done talking for now. He examined the fingers on his right hand while waiting to see what would happen next. She'd woken him up and he wasn't wearing his prosthesis. It's absence made him feel vulnerable.
Alex had been unprepared for her appearance at his door. It wasn't like her to take the risk of contacting him so overtly. He'd been even less prepared for dealing with her grief. There weren't many people left that Alex respected, but he respected Diana. She was a fighter and a survivor and she never let her weakness show. It was strange for him to see her like this, so visibly upset. He'd never seen her drunk before. He didn't like it.
"There were days," she said breaking the uncomfortable silence, "that I hated him as much as I ever loved him. And then there were days that I would have given anything to have one more hour with him. To make love to him one more time. That's not likely to happen now, is it?" She picked up the bottle and started to drink from it, then stopped and put it back down.
"I didn't cry. I was so angry at him. For dying. For risking himself in the first place. I was angry at her for not protecting him. For being so selfish as to have this baby. I thought if I could just stay angry, I wouldn't have to be sad. I'm tired of being sad."
She looked drained. He knew tomorrow she'd be embarrassed about telling him all this. He'd be embarrassed about knowing all of it. A large part of him wanted to put her to bed and forget this ever happened. Except, he was all she had left. And he owed her more than to abandon her right now.
Tentatively, Alex reached out and touched her shoulder. He slowly pulled her into a one armed embrace. She leaned against him for a while and when she finally started to cry, he held her.
Completed August 4, 2002
A/N: I know I probably contradicted canon a little. If Alex knew about the vaccine and the super soldiers, he probably knew Mulder's funeral wasn't the end of it and Diana would have known also. I took...artistic licence. ;)
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