Don't Tell Me Not To Go
by The Inimitable Pooh_Bah
Date: August 31, 2000
Summary: "Don't tell me that you love me, because I don't think you ever did." (Companion to "But Now You're Leaving.")
Spoilers: 'Inga Fossa', 'Manus Domini'
Disclaimer: 'Harsh Realm' and its characters belong to Chris Carter, 1013, and/or FOX.
Archive: List archives and by submission. Do not archive or repost without permission.
I'm leaving you. Don't tell me not to go.
Don't tell me that you love me, because I don't think you ever did. To you, it was always about sex. Or owning somebody. Or having a hold over me, because I made the mistake of being in love with you. Whatever it was, you've always been cold and selfish, and you never really cared about me or anybody else.
Don't tell me I'm the only one--I know I haven't been the only one in a long, long time. Don't tell me that what I saw in the motel room was a one-night stand and a big mistake--the two of you looked too natural together for it to be as shallow as you said. You've probably been seeing each other for years. I hope you and your lover are happy together when I'm gone.
Don't tell me about how you need my support now, as you go through all the trials in that life you hardly ever tell me about any more. Maybe you do need me, but if you wanted me around, you shouldn't have stopped pretending to love me. I would have still believed your act, and I'd be there for you when you come back.
Don't tell me you want somebody to come home to. You're gone so much, this is barely home to you any more. You don't really care about home--you never write, and you never call, and I'm left to wonder where you are and if you're alive and who you're sleeping with. I knew that you had to travel when I married you, but I expected contact.
Don't tell me that I'll look heartless and cold for leaving you now. I don't care. I would have waited for you to leave me, so you'd look like what you really are, but I knew it would take too long.
Don't tell me that you need me. Everything I do for you, you could do yourself, or pay someone to do. Or find a warm, willing body. The only thing you ever needed me for was having someone to control, and you can find somebody else just as naive and malleable as I was, and maybe dumb enough to believe your lies longer than I have. Anybody that stupid deserves the wake-up call that you are.
Don't threaten to ruin my life if I go. That's your controlling streak, and I'm not going to listen to you. I don't care what you say about me, or to who. You can't really do anything, anyway--I have a new life set up and waiting for me, somewhere else. And if you follow me there, I'll ruin your life.
Don't tell me that I'm an ingrate. You've always neglected and manipulated me. I just never noticed before. You're a pretty good liar.
Don't try to make me feel guilty, leaving you in your condition. I don't really care what happened to you there, or what you need. You can hire somebody to take care of you, and they'll do a hundred times better than I would.
I'm leaving you, Michael Pinocchio. Don't tell me not to go.
[ END ]
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