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All That Is and Isn't

by cgb

Subject: [glass_onion] New (Stargate SG1): All That Is and Isn't (f/f PG - 13) 1/1 Date: Wednesday, July 31, 2002 9:22 AM

Title: All That Is and Isn't
Author: cgb (
Web: Category: slash f/f UST S/ Jan
Rating: PG - 13
Archive: Sure
Spoilers: None

Disclaimer: Consider me disclaimed. Come and get me big corporations - wheeeeee... !

Summary: "She likes to be matched"

Acknowledgments: at the end.

Sam hops from foot to foot, arms wrapped around her body, hands under her armpits keeping warm. The air is cold, stinging her cheeks. Her breath comes in little clouds that hang in space and dissipate.

She'd prefer to jog later but the good Doctor has an early start so she beats the sunrise, and forces herself into an unfriendly morning.

Janet arrives, parking the station wagon on the street, and bouncing out the door and over to Sam's side. She is fresh faced and exuberant. Sam feels sluggish and slow by comparison.

"Brisk, isn't it?" Janet says.

Sam rolls her eyes and shivers. She gives herself a shake and let's her hands fall to her side. "We have to get going before I freeze over."

Janet smiles and stretches her arms over her head. "Stretch Sam. I'm not treating you for sports injury."

Janet is dressed in grey sweats with a hood. Sam's attire is almost identical. She marvels at their naval propensity for uniform. Jack would laugh if he could see them, although she'd recommend he join them at the present hour before mocking their military-ness.

They run. Janet sets the pace, and they settle into a comfortable rhythm.

And they talk. If nothing else it is the society of these runs that they keeps them going. Sam asks about Cassie and Janet relates the weeks' events at home. It makes them laugh, makes them feel normal.

"I can't believe these trainers," Janet says. "The heel is going, the toe is thinning. And I'm sure the impact is getting worse."

"Were they expensive?"

"Aren't they all? They're supposed to correct my form - do you think my form needs correcting?"

Sam thinks about Janet's form and sneaks a sidelong glance in her direction. Janet's form, as always, looks fantastic.

"Looks fine to me."

"I feel fine." She shrugs. "How's your shoulder?"

Sam dislocated her shoulder on a mission last week. She reflexively rolls her shoulder in response to the enquiry. It's fine and she says so.

Sam feels her body warming, beginning to glow as the muscles burn with energy. She complains about the early mornings but she can't fault the feeling of her body powering ahead, strong and seeming invincible.

It feels good. It feels alive.

Jogging with Janet is a sporadic pleasure. Slotted in between missions and attempts to save the world, it's too infrequent. Sam forgets how much she misses it as they find themselves side by side again, feet finding a matched beat.

"You remember Klinsky?" Janet says.

Sam screws up her nose. "SG 9? Arrived last October?" Nice, good looking, green - but they all are to begin with.

"That's him."

"What about him?"

"He asked me out."

Sam's eyes go wide. "You're kidding!"

"I'm not."

"What did you say?"

"`Why not?'"

Sam considers this. She hasn't dated in a long time, hasn't really had an offer. Well, not one from this planet anyway.

She thinks she detects feelings from Jack she can't understand and perhaps doesn't want to. But it's not something she's had to think about. Not conclusively.

Her relationships, Jack, Daniel, Janet, even Teal'C, are necessarily complex due to the nature of their work and whilst they are not physically intimate, the intensity is undeniable.

And sometimes indescribable. Her relationship with Janet isn't easily defined but she is still disconcerted by the thought of someone taking it away.

"How bad could it be right?" Janet says. "My last date threw up on my Blahniks. I think it was the cannelloni"

Sam laughs nervously. "I haven't been on a date in a while..."

"Do you miss it?"

She hadn't even thought about it, until now. "No, but sometimes - it's something I should be doing, right? It's what normal people do, right? Date, marry..." They cross the street and run on the grass around the edge of a park. "I mean, is it healthy to be so removed from real people?"

"I'll be the judge of what's healthy and what's not," Janet says and she grins. "You're doing just fine, Sam. For everything you've been through, you're in good shape. Mentally as well as physically."

Sam catches Janet giving her a look that takes her in from head to toe. She expects Janet does that, takes everything in at once, looks for aberrations, and makes quick calls. Obviously any doctor assigned to the SGC was going to be a quick study but Janet can match Sam for quick wits and leaps of logic.

And she likes to be matched. It's rare.

Janet reaches the corner of Sam's street and slows to a walk so they can cool down on the final leg. Sam hits the corner shortly after and groans, putting her hands on her hips and coughing.

Janet turns around and frowns. "Are you getting a cold?"

"I'm fine. I'm just not used to this time of the morning."

Janet makes them stretch again. Sam peels off her sweater and ties it around her waist. She is wearing a white T-shirt underneath that is damp with cold air and sweat. She wipes her hands on her t-shirt and leans to the side exposing her midriff. The rush of cold air on her warm stomach is a shock.

"Let's get inside and get warm," Janet says, nodding at Sam's T-shirt. "If you catch pneumonia I'll never forgive myself."

Inside Sam puts coffee in the coffee filter and Janet gives her a nominal lecture about caffeine abuse. Sam thinks about things she's heard about Doctors - that they're always on duty, that they're lousy patients - all this is true about Janet. All this and much more.

Sam pulls coffee mugs from the cupboard and waves one in Janet's direction. "Coffee?"

"Are you kidding me? Of course!"

They both laugh. Sam pours coffee and they stand there, in her kitchen, with identical sweats and mugs, holding their coffee with both hands and blowing across the top.

"Do you like Kinsky?" Sam leans a hand against the counter top. She lets her head flop to the side, stretching her neck. She rolls it around to the other side and back again.

Janet shrugs. "He's nice. I'm not..." She goes quiet looking away from Sam, out the window.

"Not what?"

"I thought it would be fun."

It's funny, Sam thinks. It's funny that she seems to know, somehow intuits, that Sam needs this reassurance, and it's funny, too, that for once, Sam admits that she needs it herself.

After coffee, Sam sees Janet to the door and they stand on opposite sides of the hallway for a while talking about meaningless things. They hold their arms across their bodies in similar positions. Sam begins rubbing her elbows as her heart rate slows and she feels the cold once again.

"Same time tomorrow?" Janet says as she moves towards the door.

"Yeah, same time tomorrow." Sam reaches for the door to unlatch the lock.

And Janet tries to do the same thing at the same time. It's a comedy of errors: Janet's movement echoing Sam's and somehow being on a different trajectory, intersecting Sam at an obtuse angle.

It's all science of course, and maybe that's why she finds herself studying the angle of Janet's arm as it hits the wall, preventing her from falling into Sam.

She notices the way her own feet, reacting faster than the rest of her, twist against the inertia which carries her body into the door.

She notices these things, keeps them in her head for some time after the event. Such information, such a study in movement is always potentially useful, but she wants to remember how it happened, what it was they brought them to that point - the point where they are inches apart, eyes locked, and somehow, closer than they should be.

Janet's hands landed against the door, but they move on instinct, grabbing Sam's shoulders, trying to catch her before she hits the floor. It's a combination of this, and Sam's own attempt to brace herself that stops this from occurring.

Sam blinks. Janet studies her face. She has the biggest eyes Sam's ever seen.

"Are you all right?"

Sam nods. "Yeah." She should be laughing. She should be shaking this off, something to smile about next time they go jogging.

Instead she is sinking against the wall. Not moving. Not breathing.

Janet lifts a hand, brushes hair out of Sam's eyes. When she speaks her voice is low, whispered. "You're not so tough, Major."

And then she lets go, stands back.

Sam straightens herself. Janet opens the door and leaves wordlessly.

And it's stranger than anything on another planet, in another world, another universe.

It's strange. And it's true, and it's there. Most importantly, it's there.


Acknowledgments: To Teanna go the spoils. To Lil goes whatever's left. To the Bordello goes everything in between.

If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to cgb

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