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Title: The Illusion of a Lack of Control
Author: Twinkledru J.
Rating: R for disturbing suggestions.
Improv: #5 -- defile, pause, phantom, heat
Disclaimer: Same as always, Rowling. Summary comes from Coldplay's "Spies", not mine either.
Summary: The spies hang out in every corner/But they can't touch you, no/'Cos they're just spies
Notes: *Jesus*, this is fucked-up. It's fanfic hell for me. I don't know if this qualifies as slash or not; there's no romance anywhere and no real sex...I'll say slash warning just to be careful. Set somewhere approaching the climactic chapters of "Prisoner of Azkaban".


He imagines them together often, and always they are violent dark fantasies, and nothing anyone would expect from calm, slightly shy, collected Remus Lupin.

Imagines himself forced to submit, imagines being defiled in clinical detail, so that he can practically feel the rape he pictures himself subjected to.

(cold fingers plundering the heat of Remus's body. cool breath in gentle calm phantoms on the back of his neck.)

Despite all his expectations, Severus has been nothing but civil -- barely civil, but civil nonetheless -- to him.

And that, he had convinced himself, was nothing short of the man's revenge for everything up to, including, and beyond that goddamned prank. Snape had always loved mind games more than anything else, and that was to be expected, for he'd always been a scrawny child and the scrawny children are the most dangerous of all.

He hated more than anything that none of his hatred towards Snape was justified, and that, conversely, all Snape's hatred and mistrust of him had been warranted for a long time. That every time Snape takes pause from tormenting his students to stare hawkishly down his abnormally large nose at Lupin, he is more than entitled to his suspicion, because of that tiny incident of attempted murder.

The bastard won't even give him the resentfulness which comes with being in another's debt. Wolfsbane is a necessity for him, and Snape the only one who can provide it, and Severus gives no indication of savoring the fact that it puts Remus in his debt. If he did, if he took advantage of that, Lupin could at least resent that.

But Snape realizes this, of course. Severus is, Lupin would bet, probably one of the cleverest students Hogwarts has ever seen. Snape and Harry's friend, Hermione, are easily the two brightest people Lupin has ever met. Of course he realizes that to lord Wolfsbane over Lupin would give Remus an excuse to return some of Snape's own despisal.

So Lupin creates himself this fantasy and indulges in it at what approaches an unhealthy frequency.

It's not about the sex, of course. He gets no pleasure from this fantasy. This is about something much deeper, something much darker and much more shameful.

This is about revenge.


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