"You need chemistry To get you through the good times. You need love, love, love To get you through the bad...."
Somebody crashing around downstairs woke me up. It could just be Yoji again, but I brought my katana anyway and waited at the top of the stairs, blade bared, sneer ready, riding a rush of disdain. The sneer and disdain would work for whomever was down there shattering the peace.
"Kinda late for you, isn't it, Aya?" Yoji asked from the bottom of the stairs with an insolent grin, reeking of drink and smoke. I could smell him from here. He still wore those damned sunglasses at 3 a.m., but he wore them every night. Sometimes I wondered if they were surgically attached. If you took them off him and sent him out into the sun, his pupils might explode.
"It is. I was sleeping until somebody blundered in and made such a racket that I woke up." Why couldn't Yoji self-destruct quietly? I could give him lessons.
"Hmm. Who could that be?" Yoji swayed up the stairs, looking loose-limbed and almost graceful, and finished by putting his arm around my shoulders. His hair brushed my face as he leaned our heads together. It tickled; that's why I shuddered. "Such early nights for you. You're old before your time. You should come out with me and live a little before you die."
I could almost get drunk from his breath. I quickly moved out of his hot, sticky grip. "I may live longer if I don't."
"Maybe. You're pretty. You might get eaten alive." The smile deepened. "I did. Several times." Thus the appearance of having had his far too tight clothing ripped off and haphazardly put back on. Nothing but sensuous materials like silk, leather, and mesh for Yoji. "You have anything for me, Mother? You know, something I haven't heard from you before."
"Show some consideration for your teammates who take advantage of free nights to catch up on sleep we miss during missions."
"Blah, blah, blah. Heard it before."
"Then I have nothing for you."
"I wouldn't say that," Yoji purred, leering as he let his eyes roam appreciatively over my body.
Leering and checking me out? How drunk was he? Feeling weirdly too exposed in an old T-shirt and pajama bottoms, I moved further away from him. "I have nothing for you. Go to bed and pass out. See if I care."
Yoji looked down at the gleaming blade of my katana. "Is that for me? You got any other phallic symbols for me?"
Disgusted, I walked away and slammed the door of my room behind me. Yoji laughed and asked, "Who's waking people up now?"
"You need praise every day To make you feel Good about yourself...."
"C'mon, Omi, admit it. I keep the customers coming back for me. I mean, for more," Yoji said.
"Yeah, your flirting brings girls in, but they don't buy anything," Omi answered.
"I expect to hear that kind of thing from Old Stone Face over there, not you, Omi! You wound me."
The girls hadn't bothered me as much today, perhaps because my ill temper showed in my face more than usual. The highly emphatic way I was stripping the leaves and thorns off the roses might be keeping them at a distance as well. That confrontation with Yoji had left me even more out of sorts than the 3 a.m. wake-up. He comes in late from his debauchery, wakes me up, makes it harder for me to wake up on time for work, sleeps in until the afternoon, then does a half-assed job once he finally deigns to put in an appearance at the flower shop. It happens all the time.
Working no doubt put a crimp in his social calendar, poor baby. If he didn't have assassin work getting in the way, he'd be able to say that he literally had a different person every night of the week, and it galled him to be deprived of that.
I didn't understand him. I didn't understand one-night stands either. How could he let a stranger see him in a desperate, needy state, allow this person in more than close enough to kill him, then toss this person back out into the street and start with a new stranger the next day? How could he trust these people?
This job gave me too much time to think. I set the roses aside and checked to see if we had any deliveries to make. Anything to get me out of here before I attacked Yoji and tried to give him the discipline he so badly needed. Thankfully, we did have a delivery scheduled.
"You want to be cool, So you make me so hot. You need to make me idiot, So you can be not. You want to be fragile, So I'll be easy to break. You're all about correction, baby; I'm all about mistakes...."
I kept watching Aya out of the corner of my eye and smiling over how pissed he was. No cool anger or cool disdain there, though I had a kink about those too. I couldn't remember exactly what I'd said last night, but whatever it was had really yanked his chain and left him as skittish as the most sheltered virgin ever. Maybe he was a virgin.
It was cute.
I probably enjoyed fucking with his head way too much.
From the looks of him, he had me on his mind. Perfect. I wouldn't trade places with those roses though....
I just had to be blatant with him. I'd been scoping him out more subtly--well, subtly for me--for almost two weeks but with no joy. He hadn't noticed. Sometimes I wished I didn't have such a fetish for the impossible prey.
He enjoys reading me the riot act for my bad, bad behavior when I come home late. I know he does. He rarely talks otherwise.
He's so pretty, and he only became more pretty when he was angry or hurt. I preferred the hot anger, the kind that brought life and color to his face. It wasn't an accident that he was most associated with roses and swords, things that made you bleed if you touched them carelessly. I wanted him upset and turned around and out of control, the better to sweep him off his feet. I'd run a long race on this one, but I could see myself coming near the finish line.
Ken and Omi would thank me if things worked out the way I wanted them to.
"I'll take this delivery," Aya said suddenly as he took off his thick gloves, picked up the keys, and went into the back. Perfect: a moment alone and Aya away from sharp objects. I followed him.
"I'm all about acceptance You're all about deny...."
He heard me close the door behind me and turned to face me, violet eyes blazing. "What the hell do you want?" He'd definitely been marinating in his own rage. Add a little more spice to that....
"I was wondering if you needed any help." Nobody could be more innocent and helpful than I was.
"You don't help."
"Sure, I do," I purred. "I'm always there for you when you need a hand."
No longer oblivious, Aya raised an annoyed eyebrow at the entendre. "I don't need it."
If blatant worked.... "I've never met a man who needs to be fucked as badly as you do."
That brought some color to his cheeks. "So you're the perfect person to remedy that by fucking me badly?"
Oooh, burn. "That's very clever, Aya-kun."
"I don't want you. I don't need you. I'm sure you haven't completely run through all the men and women of Tokyo, so go bother some of them instead. Leave me alone." He said it so emphatically you almost believed him.
But I remembered him reacting last night to my arm around his shoulder before he remembered that he was supposed to hate it.
He could be so raw and sensitive sometimes, and that was a major reason why I wanted him. I knew too many jaded people, myself included, while he cared so deeply, even if only about his few obsessions. He had a kind of innocence, a kind just dirtied enough that I didn't feel like I would be taking too much advantage if I involved myself. Omi and Ken were too innocent, even with the blood on their hands. With Aya, I got the feeling that I could rub some of the tarnish off and make him shine.
When he finally nailed Takatori and Weis disbanded, I thought I'd never see him again, so I was glad Kritiker convinced him to come back to stay with the rest of us. What was the point of me returning to familiar things if one redheaded familiar thing broke the spell by not being there?
Aya started to walk away, so I reached for his wrist, and he smacked my hand away. "Where are you going?" I asked.
"Since you'd stopped speaking in favor of staring off into space, I figured our conversation was over."
"It's just started."
He nearly snarled at me like the half-feral thing that he was, while I tried not to smile or leer too hard. Standing this close, I could smell the thick, heady scent of roses on him.
"I should kick your ass," he said.
"Are you sure that's what you want to do with it?"
Aya just stared at me for about two minutes, but it wasn't his controlled stare. It looked more like a "trapped, taciturn guy doesn't know what to say" stare, which amused the hell out of me. Finally he answered, "Yeah, I'm sure."
Well, we didn't hang with Aya for his banter.
He continued, "You must think this is hilarious, but I don't have time for it."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"I'm hardly the last person in Tokyo you haven't had yet, so I'm not falling for the joke."
He had to be kidding. No, he wasn't kidding. I grabbed him by the shoulders and said, "No, don't struggle, dammit, I have something to show you," then stood him in front of one of the refrigerator cases so he could see his reflection in the glass. "This is a face that can easily get you laid."
"It's just a face."
Did he ever look in the mirror? From the usually disheveled state of his hair, maybe not.
"It's a shallow world out there, so, trust me, how you look is important and you're definitely not the 'fuckable only if you were the last man on Earth' type. You're good looking, dammit."
"You must have gone crazy all at once," Aya said quietly, "because I'd like to think I would have noticed it if it had happened by degrees. Your tastes may be broad, but this is ridiculous."
It didn't make a dent. At all. He didn't get it. He figured I was joking. How could someone be that unaware of himself? Short of tearing off his clothes and trying to take him by force--which I would not do--I didn't think I could be more blatant. I used my grip on his shoulders to pull him back against me, so he could feel how hard I was.
"I am not joking."
Watching his reflection, I could see him close his eyes. For a moment he looked intensely vulnerable... and highly kissable. Then the hellfire came back and he broke away from me.
"I'm not interested in being your latest conquest. I have work to do." He picked up the delivery and fled the room.
Yoji was insane. Or cruel. Perhaps he was both. Not that I cared.
How could he go from "go out, Aya, and get fucked" to "let me fuck you" after a few hours' sleep? Was it boredom? Sheer perversity? Did he simply need a default body at home for those times when he didn't wish to go out? What did my face have to do with anything? I didn't appreciate his attempt to play with my head.
It would serve me right if I crashed because I was wasting time thinking about him instead of paying attention to my driving.
I tried not to imagine the possibilities but couldn't help myself. Yoji might keep me as a spare body for when he'd come home from partying empty-handed, having seen no one better outside. Or he might dress me up in leather and silk to take me along. While there, he'd trade me to people for cigarettes.
I would also crash if I kept choking myself up while behind the wheel. Yoji would be so smug if he'd seen me lose it like this, since he'd practically made it his hobby to try to rattle me. It made me colder and harder in annoyed reaction. This... proposition, flirtation, whatever had to be a prank of his, because what was the point of having a one-night stand with someone you'd have to see every day afterward?
What do I do now?
I would have to wait and see if he'd follow up. He might be finished now, and I wouldn't have to do anything more in response. I could hope.
My hopes never worked out.
When I walked into the shop, Yoji gave me a look that should have stripped off my clothes and put Rohypnol into my drink. Shit. What do I do now?
What? Aya stiffened as soon as he saw me.
Oh yeah, there wouldn't be awkwardness here at all. I reminded myself that I loved a challenge.
Okay, I'd tried subtle, I'd tried blatant, and I'd refused to club him over the head and carry him to my bed. What did that leave? What do I do now?
"I'm so glad you finally noticed Yoji," Omi said as he passed by with a flower arrangement.
"What?" I answered and followed him.
"You did notice that he's been looking at you, right? I mean, when you walked in, that's what it looked like you did."
"Omi, how long has he been doing it?"
"I started noticing it a week ago."
Shit. He'd been staring at me like that for a week? People had been noticing him staring at me like that for a week? "What the hell does he want from me?" When Omi shot me an incredulous look, I said, "I know that. I want to know what he expects to get aside from that."
"You could try asking him."
"I did. It didn't help."
Yoji knew me, what I was like, yet he still continued on with this. How else could I discourage him? Could I possibly be any colder and more unpleasant than I am now? I couldn't see how. I didn't have the time or energy for dealing with his little game, especially now, with my sister missing.
For a second I considered giving in to him, the equivalent of shoving a pacifier in his mouth to stop his whining. Yoji believed in having single-serving lovers, which might be a reaction to Asuka's loss, since she was the great love of his life. Then he had to kill Neu, the woman he'd thought had been Asuka, in self-defense and it had nearly broken him. Since his love for a dead woman had enabled Neu and Schreient to dangle my sister's life over our heads as a game, I'd approved of his decision thereafter to stay away from love. Thus, this... thing for me couldn't be love, just curiosity, and if I slept with him once he'd lose interest and stop bothering me. With all the practice Yoji got, he'd probably be a good lay, so it wouldn't be a total hardship. I would have to tolerate nearly unbearable levels of smugness from him afterward, but I was accustomed to him being smug over one thing or another and at least he wouldn't pursue me any longer. It might be worth the sacrifice.
No, it wouldn't. I took these kinds of things too personally, wanted too much, so it wouldn't be casual for me, and when he inevitably went on to the next conquest I'd have to kill him. It would be too much trouble for everyone.
"You need image To put me in my picture You need permanence Like you read it in the scripture You don't want change Of any description You want same, same, like, like, like Another prescription...."
I watched Aya talk to Omi at the other end of the shop. Somehow he managed to be at the other end of the shop from me no matter where I was. Omi glanced at me a few times. They had to be talking about me. Damn, this was like being in school again, and I hadn't enjoyed that the first time. No wonder I preferred taking strangers as lovers.
Aya cast a quick, hunted look my way before going off to the back to do something. I sidled up to Omi and asked, "What was that about?"
Omi rolled his eyes. "You, of course."
"Of course. So?"
"What about me?"
"He gets the point about you wanting to rip off his clothes but doesn't know why you'd want to."
"I'm not that much younger than everyone else!"
"He doesn't know why I'd want to--"
"No, he doesn't. He gets the lust bit, but he's stuck on the 'why him?' bit."
I'd already asked today if he'd looked in a mirror recently. I love a challenge. I love a challenge. Really.
"It's not just that," Omi said. "He doesn't know your intentions, and it's making him nervous."
"He thinks it's a prank."
"Is it?" Omi's expression promised bloody vengeance on me if I said yes. The kid liked pranks as much as anyone else, but we had to be careful in what we pulled on Aya. Guy didn't have much of a sense of humor, but he did have a temper, a katana, and a nasty sense of justice.
"I wouldn't go to this much trouble for a prank."
"Okay, that's one thing out of the way, but, Yoji, he doesn't do casual. He doesn't do anything casually."
Too true, and that intensity was such a big part of the attraction that it would be stupid to complain about it. "I hadn't thought that far ahead."
"I'm going to smack you now."
Did I want a long-term thing with Aya? Kind of. All right, yeah, if he didn't turn out to be too insane after all. You never knew that one for sure until you got really close to someone, and he kept us at arms' length. Yeah, it seemed like I did want it.
"He already has problems. Don't add to them. The team doesn't need it either."
I couldn't help feeling offended. "Why does getting involved with me automatically have to be a bad thing that would hurt him and us? Maybe it would do him good to have someone pull him out of his own head. Maybe he'll implode if he doesn't get a distraction or... relief once in a while." Some things I didn't want to be too blatant about around Omi.
But I got the feeling that he knew what I wanted to say anyway.
"Just don't do this as a prank or one-night stand. Please, Yoji?"
"Have some faith."
As I walked away I heard him mutter, "It's the blind chasing the blind."
After spending the rest of the day thinking it over, I decided to keep being blatant but with a little less of that "rip his clothes off" look in my eyes since Aya could be skittish. At least I hoped I'd gotten rid of most of that look.
That night I waited at his apartment door, and he stiffened again as he saw me. Until I'd started this, I hadn't realized how many gradations of stiff he actually had. "Fancy meeting you here," I said.
"Yes, what are the odds of seeing me at my own door when I'm about to go to bed?" Obviously annoyed, Aya shoved his key in the lock the way he shoved his katana into a target. "There are bottles and floozies out there wondering where you are. Why are you here?"
I had to have a fetish for this kind of abuse and temper. "Why do you think?"
"I'd rather not guess, since evil things happen when I'm alone with you lately."
"You say the sweetest things."
The moonlight painted him in blue and shadows, and he crackled with tension. I didn't think. I just grabbed and kissed him. His mouth was hard and unyielding, and his body achieved a new level of stiff against me, to the point where he could have been steel in my grip. Dumb move, Kudou. I started to think that I might have to fight my way out of here.
But then he took in a deep breath and melted, and his mouth opened, and he grabbed me back and had me pinned against the wall. Hell, yes. This was kissing!
When he pulled away a little--he still had most of his body pressing mine into the wall--his eyes were hot and wild. Exactly what I'd hoped for. I knew this was in there.
Shit. That maneuver backfired completely. He'd liked that. From the look on his face and the way he was licking his lips, it looked like he'd liked that a lot. I didn't like my own reaction....
I did a strategic withdrawal. It wasn't running away. Just as he'd moved to kiss me so quickly and spontaneously that I hadn't been able to guard against it, I let him go and dashed into my apartment.
As I stared at where he'd been and watched the door slam shut, I thought that I really should have expected this reaction. "Aya!"
I locked the door and tried to ignore the pounding.
"I'm not going away, Aya."
I didn't answer.
"I'm going to stop knocking but I'll stay standing out here. I'm not going away. Just imagine me standing right here...."
I put my hand over my mouth and paced. I'd liked that kiss far too much, though it would have been better if Yoji's constant smoking hadn't affected the way he tasted. Better? I didn't want it to be good or "better." It should be as bad as possible. I shouldn't want to touch him.
Damn. I was already engaged even without the sex, and my relations with him had already been warped by his pursuit. The misguided kiss that had spectacularly failed to scare him off would send his smugness to lethal levels.
So... maybe I should have the sex just to get something out of this.
I'm not too self-serving, am I?
That kiss... I'd thought that would work. If he'd been pursuing me as a prank, it would have scared him away. I figured that if he actually had some kind of twisted lust for me, it would be for the unwillingness, the challenge, the chase and coaxing. Flinging myself at him would have broken him of that fantasy.
Having actually tried it, I could see that I was an idiot. Did I really think a little tame sexual aggression would scare Kudou Yoji, self-proclaimed and proud playboy of Tokyo? Who knew what perversions he's tried, drunk or sober?
He started to whistle loudly and off-key. This was the man I was contemplating giving myself to? I'd been given the perfect opportunity to kill him only a few minutes ago, yet I'd squandered it.
The phone rang, and I automatically picked it up. "Hello?"
"Aya, let him in so the rest of us can sleep!" Ken said.
He'd called me for this? He didn't know what torment was. "Why should I be the only one to suffer?"
He didn't have an answer to that one. I listened to him breathe instead for about a minute. Yoji's whistling increased in volume and somehow became even more off-key. Ken whined, "Aya-kun, please."
"Fine." I hung up the phone, squared my shoulders, and opened the door. "Stop that. You're waking everyone up."
Yoji grinned and pushed past me to enter my apartment and turn on the light. Smug bastard.
Damn, he lived just about like a monk. Not much in the way of possessions. Then again, he had to support his sister's hospital care. At least he didn't have to do that now with her having been kidnapped and all, with the bad guys footing the bill.
Damn, I'm glad I didn't say that out loud.
Aya radiated tension. He should implode any second now.
I'd figured out what he thought he was doing with that kiss. Poor baby, making excuses to grab me. "You must really want me," I purred. Hey, I knew why, but I didn't have to let him know I knew.
"I don't want to have anything to do with you!"
"Didn't feel like it."
Aya twitched, and I really hoped I wouldn't get attacked. Antagonizing him might not be the best move.
"That was some kiss. I didn't know if you had it in you," I said.
"Maybe I should shut up."
"That might be a good idea," Aya answered.
"Except that then we'd be standing here in silence staring at each other for no reason."
"You could always leave."
I couldn't figure out whether he really wanted me to leave or not, since his expression revealed nothing aside from the annoyance. He stood there and stared at me without saying a word. After a few minutes of silence and being pinned by the flat gaze of those orchid-colored eyes, I fidgeted despite myself and asked, "What kind of a wimp do you think I am?"
"Do you really want me to answer that?" He crossed his arms and went back to quietly staring me down. Damn, that was unnerving. Well, fuck him. Okay, I knew that was the point, but....
I wouldn't be chased off by the silent treatment, even one wielded by an expert. "What are you, 12?"
No answer, no expression on his face. Stare.
"What is this supposed to do?"
No answer, no expression on his face. Stare.
"You're not even doing anything but standing there!"
No answer, no expression on his face. Stare. Shouldn't he have to blink by now?
I lit up and blew smoke in his face just to force him to say something, even if it was just to lambaste me. His silent stare just took on more of a sneer.
I could see him snapping under the silence, because his fidgeting worsened and he'd started to smoke. I had him. Once he broke, he'd leave me alone. Peace and quiet.
He gave up on talking me into talking but stayed, too stubborn and proud to quit yet. We stood there staring at each other. I could see his torment. Sweet, so sweet.
I might be enjoying this too much.
"Talk, damn it!" he finally said.
I answered with a sneering twitch of my mouth and nothing more.
Eventually he sighed and said, "I don't have time for this."
But as he walked out the doorway I said, "You just had to annoy me. I was going to say yes before you annoyed the shit out of me." What? Why did I do that? Did I need to gloat that badly? He was leaving!
"You were not!" I answered, but I felt a warm glow of victory in my chest. I wanted to gloat or laugh but didn't do it. One poor, self-sabotaging bastard here was enough. Aya had this cute look of confusion on his face because he didn't want me to leave. Then it hit me that he'd admitted to wanting to say yes. Gotcha. I couldn't let that go. "Wait. So all I have to do is stop annoying you?"
"Good luck. You annoy me by existing."
Wanted me, wanted me.... "You know, Aya, I don't bite." Of course, I had to pause and say, "Unless you want me to."
He put his fist to his forehead and leaned into it. "I have a headache."
"That's what they all say." I walked back into his apartment and closed the door, while he cast me a hunted look. "You'll like it," I said. "Honest." If he let me go forward, how far should I take him tonight?
"Whether I like it or not makes no difference. I have no room in my life for distractions."
"I'm a distraction? You're sweeter than you let on. Look, Aya, now is the time when you need a distraction most. You won't help your sister if you explode."
His expression turned almost wry. "Do you tell all your targets that you'll literally explode if you don't get off with them?"
Once in a while I reached a person under all the stone and ice, and I loved that. I moved closer. "Yeah. We don't want to mess up your neat apartment like that, do we?"
He moved back. "Instead you'd have me mess it up another way."
I moved forward again, and he moved back again. It must have looked like some kind of weird dance. Finally he reached the wall and moved to the side to escape, but I had my arm there already to block him. He looked angry, defiant, and tired. Soul tired. It made me feel like I was seeing him naked. This close we could feel each other's heat. If he really tried he could get away from me easily, but instead he stood there and looked at me, daring me to do it, daring me not to. This time he smelled like roses, lilies, and a hint of sweat.
I wanted him. From the way he looked at me, stood, and breathed, it seemed that he wanted me too.
Nobody could really say they knew Aya--he didn't let anybody know him--but I'd spent enough time around him to have some idea of how his mind worked. He'd tell himself that I'd pursued and badgered him until he gave in to shut me up. He figured that I'd bang him fast to take care of my own lust and he wouldn't get anything out of it. Afterward, he'd be satisfied that he'd been right about me all along, and we would never have sex again.
I gently finger-combed his bangs away from his eyes, and he blinked, his lashes brushing my skin. Then I lightly stroked the side of his face.
"What are you doing?" he asked softly.
"What does it look like?" Then I kissed him slowly and thoroughly, while he went from permitting it to participating, kissing back. I moved my restraining arm behind his back to hold him closer and pet him. But lightly, gently. My other hand went for his hair because how could anyone see that hair and not wonder what it felt like?
I doubted that anyone had seriously tried to seduce him before. He didn't let anyone get close enough for that.
I could feel him shaking a little, trembling. So sensitive... and maybe a bit scared. He was stroking my back, giving me shivers with his cold fingers, and saying my name as we rocked together.
Yoji felt so good against me, so good that I couldn't think. I could feel my skin waking up under the ministrations of his fingers and lips, and it worried me. Awake hurt. He scared me.... I groaned his name as he sucked at the side of my neck, but I didn't know why.
I wanted him to stop. I didn't want him to stop. I wondered how we went from me sneering at him to me tangling my body around his as he petted and kissed me into a boneless mush.
His hands mostly felt softer than mine, lacking my sword calluses. They burrowed under my shirt and stroked my back, making me jump. I knew we were moving, but it still startled me when we reached my bed. My bed.
I'm betraying her. Betraying her....
I lost him at the bed. I could feel it happening, since his body stiffened, then started to struggle against me. Did the bed make it all more real for him or had something else come loose in his tangled head? I loosened up my hold on him and changed the strokes from sexual to soothing. I didn't do unwilling people, but I knew that if I let him go and left him alone all of my work would be ruined, with his walls going right back up.
Aya let me pet him for maybe two minutes before he broke my grip and sprawled out on his bed. Damn, he looked inviting. He better not have any idea what he looked like, because if he knew and did this kind of thing as a tease, he needed to get his ass kicked. I sprawled beside him and resumed petting, still in "soothing frightened animal" mode. Some firm mattress he had.
Aya gave me a look, then stared at the ceiling and said, "You're not getting what you came for, so you might as well leave."
"Anybody ever tell you you feel good?"
"No," he answered softly.
"You do." I may have been aroused, but I didn't feel a sense of urgency. If I had to spend some time getting Aya calmed and used to me, I could do it. "Your sister wouldn't want you to cut yourself off from people."
That might not have been the brightest move, since he stiffened and replied, "You wouldn't know a thing about my sister."
"If that's so, it's because you've told us almost nothing about her."
"It's not-- The rest of you talk enough to make up for my silence."
I'd pressed closer as we'd talked, and now I leaned over and kissed him. "You taste good too."
"I'm not supposed to notice that we're still making out?"
I didn't say, "You're not exactly fighting it," because that would just sabotage me. Instead, I straddled him and kept on kissing and petting him slowly and lingeringly. He didn't fight me. Hell, he kissed me back. I liked this slow, thorough, almost narcotic making out.
This wouldn't convince him to leave. Worse, I wasn't just allowing him to do this, I was participating, kissing him, grinding against him, running one hand through his honey-colored hair and the other along his back. I hadn't decided on any of this; it just happened. He always snuck up on me like this, just being there and being there and being there until I became used to him, while he slowly came closer and closer.
His movements became faster, more insistent, and I followed, even though it scared me to feel and want this much. I'd managed to ignore how hungry I was for so long. I should have found some other kind of release sooner, I should have stayed more distant and not come to care for Yoji or the others.... Sex with him hadn't stopped being a bad idea and a betrayal of my sister, but I couldn't stop myself. I needed more, and I wanted it to be over, so I quickened the pace.
Aya's sudden, desperate speed worried me. What was going on in his head now? I might never get this out of him again, so I'd really prefer not to rush through it so fast I missed it. Of course, I took the chance that I'd lose him this way, but I was all about the quality sex.
Still straddling him, I pinned his wrists down, feeling the soft, worn cuffs of his blue sweater and his tendons and bones shifting beneath his warm skin. Breathing hard, simmering with what looked like resentment, he stared back at me but didn't try to break loose. I'd never seen so much of his face before, since his bangs covered and shadowed so much. Right now they'd fallen away to form a kind of nimbus around his head. This close, with an unobstructed view, I could see that even his eyelashes were red, though a dark red.
"You want it, you don't want it.... You're really ticking me off," he said.
"Let me see if I can figure out what's going on here," I answered. "You want this really badly but you also feel guilty about it, so you figure that if you do it really fast you'll have sex before the guilt completely catches up and maybe you can say that you were swept away by the moment."
He considered it for a moment. "That's close. Since you actually get some this way and don't get any the other way, I'm not sure what your problem is. Of course, now you've ruined it, so get off me." But he was still hard, and I could see the lust in his eyes.
"Why not?" he growled.
"Because I just want this, but you need it."
He almost threw me off him, but I held tight and shifted when I needed to. But he also wasn't trying that hard. Yet. Him moving like that did things for me.
Maybe he realized that, because he stopped and said, "I hate you."
"No, you don't." I could feel his whole body tense under me. He could make a break for it at any time. "I didn't say I didn't want you. I just want it to be slow enough that I notice it happening."
"Wrong answer." I wanted to stroke him again, but if I let go of his wrists he'd dump me to the floor. Then maybe he'd kick me around a bit. Aya could be violent. I could only guess that he hadn't struggled too hard yet out of confusion about his own wants and the hopes that he'd browbeat me into leaving him alone, deciding the issue for him. His browbeatings worked on most people. Worked on me too most of the time. Tonight I wouldn't have it.
I was getting that Aya-to-human interpretation down. Or I was totally off base, in which case I could kiss my ass goodbye.
"I'm not willing, Yoji. Do you think you'll try to rape me?"
I would have been offended if his tone hadn't made it clear that he knew I wouldn't. "Nope. I just won't leave."
"Great." Sarcasm dripped from the word.
"Whatever it is, no."
"I have never been reasonable."
I couldn't believe it. I was enjoying the bickering, getting off on it. Was he?
I took a chance. I sat up, letting his wrists go but still straddling him. Nice perch. I liked it. He didn't move, just stared at me like I was a bomb that could explode at any moment.
"I'm comfy," I said. "I think I'll stay right here. All night." I just about dared him to buck me off.
"I hate you."
"No, you don't."
He sighed. "I don't want to have anything to do with you now. The moment has passed."
"I'm not leaving. Can't make me."
"You won't leave, you won't have sex with me...."
"I told you my conditions."
"You're insane." But then he looked at me.
My cock jerked. "Stop that."
"Stop what?" he purred.
"Smoldering at me."
He had to know damned well what that look did to me, because then he gave me a wicked smile.
Some people thought Aya was cold, but anybody who'd ever had his anger directed at them, like me, knew better. He was too busy being pissed off at fate and the world to be cold. But this was a different heat than he'd ever given me.
"That won't work," I said.
"Are you sure?"
Not really. A guy who had those hot eyes and wicked smile turned on him while already sitting atop a very inviting body could get crazy thoughts.
I would kill Yoji. I should. No matter what I did, I couldn't get him to move. My best attempt at seductiveness seemed to have put him in a state of stunned paralysis, which didn't get me sex or solitude. I should have known better.
It looked like I'd have to knock him out, then drag him out of my apartment.
I sat up suddenly, which sent him flying backwards off me onto the floor. I nearly smiled at his surprised shout and mutter as he hit the floor. "Too slow," I said as I stood, grabbed him under his arms, and started to drag him toward the door.
But he recovered too quickly and grabbed me back, pulling me down, which set us to wrestling on my floor. It was all too ridiculous... and I started to laugh without being able to stop, which scared the hell out of me.
Hey, Aya could laugh. Looked cute doing it too, which I never could have imagined. Since he seemed to be struggling to breathe, I gave him some space. He sat up and put his hand over his mouth as he tried to get through it, which made him even cuter. I could feel my brain bending.
I let him wind down a bit, and once he took his hand away from his mouth and caught his breath I kissed him, which led to an exchange of slow, deep kissing. He was much better after he wound down.
Maybe we should actually spar first before we tried this again. Damn, that would be hot, especially since working with his sword seemed to rile him up as much as using my wire did to me.
"This isn't me," Aya said quietly, solemnly, then took a long breath, "This isn't me, but that's all right."
Damn, I was glad I didn't say that out loud either.
I pulled him up to his feet, then playfully pushed him onto the bed. Rebellion flashed in his eyes for a moment, then he seemed to decide to go with it once he took a look at my face. Sweet surrender. I rewarded him with kissing and stroking, sometimes rubbing my body against his to underscore my point. As I put my hands under his blue sweater to feel more skin, I thought about how he always wore baggy tops when he wasn't on missions. At least this one was a flattering color. His pants fit well, but the baggy shirts or sweaters usually covered his ass, which ruined it. Trying to hide himself, or did he just not care either way? Abyssinian had better taste. What did it say about him that the part of him that killed people dressed better?
Thinking about the improvements that I wanted to suggest to him meant I was thinking long term.
He had such a serious look on his face, so I said, "Relax. This is supposed to be fun." I peeled off my shirt so I could feel him better.
"How can I relax while you're doing these things to me?"
That might be the sweetest thing he'd ever said to me. Even if he hadn't meant it quite like that. He squirmed and breathed a little faster as I kissed his hard belly. "Aya," I murmured in the hottest voice I could manage, which made him breathe harder and faster still. "Take the sweater off."
He looked at me, then he pulled it off, revealing a body beaten, shaped, and hardened by his obsessions, all muscle, bone, and scars, with the only soft thing on him being his hair. That stint he'd done as a construction worker had added more bulk. I'd shaped my own body in different ways--different muscle, different calluses--for slightly different purposes, with more of a mind to aesthetics, since I expected mine to appeal to other people as well as kill. His beauty came from remnants and unintended side effects.
I wanted to see more, so I started to unbutton his pants. Soon I had his slick, hard cock in my hand, and he bucked against me. Had anyone's hand other than his own ever touched it before? Did Aya even jerk off? If he didn't, that might explain some things about his personality. I intended to find out eventually but not now. His fingers scrabbled at my fly, trying to get my cock out, something I supported wholeheartedly. I loved reciprocation, so I helped as much as I could.
Eventually he'd gotten it loose and jerked me as I jerked him, awkward and wonderful. Simple and direct worked for me. I saw him realizing that I was matching his rhythm, which made him groan. Lying side by side, we simply moved and made sounds, reacting. When he had his eyes open they were wide and dark, his pupils nearly devouring all the purple. His hair had achieved a new level of messiness, and if I didn't have my hands full I would brush it out of his face. Instead, I kissed him, since my lips hadn't been doing anything.
His breathing hitched as he came in a hot rush in my fist, and his hand clenched then unclenched on my cock, which brought me off. So good. As he rested against me, I couldn't see anything stiff about him.
For a while I'd lost myself in the sensations, but now panic started to overtake the warm feeling of satiation that had claimed my body. I hid behind my hair and closed eyelids and waited for him to leave. Wanted him to leave.
He didn't leave. I could feel him lying there and hear him breathing. Why didn't he leave?
He kissed my forehead and asked, "What do you want to do tomorrow night? Dinner, a movie?"
Surprised, a bit outraged, I opened my eyes and asked, "First we have sex, then you date me?"
Yoji looked a little ashamed. Obviously he'd wanted to see if I'd put out before going to the effort and expense of taking me out. That was so him.
It nearly made me smile. "Treat me to dinner. We'll see what happens from there."
He looked surprised, then grinned. No smirk. "If I'm treating, I get to choose the place."
He was still here. He wanted to have a tomorrow night. I didn't know what to make of it or how long it would last. I felt... good. I could give him a chance, see how long it took him to lose interest. Maybe I could enjoy myself until then. I wanted to give it a try.
I could always kill him if he provoked me enough.
It felt good to have options.
More Viridian5 stories can be found in The Green Room version 2.0 at http://viridian.mrks.org/
No-frames but no-frills access available at http://viridian.shriftweb.org
Fandoms represented: Weis Kreuz, Saiyuki, Andromeda, due South, Hard Core Logo, Twitch City, X-Files, Once a Thief, the Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie, Angel, Two Guys and a Girl (was Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place), X-Men, Smallville, Doctor Who, Fight Club, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
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Fandom: Weis Kreuz
Author: Viridian5 [email]
Details: Standalone | NC-17 | *slash* | 41k | 04/17/04
Summary: "You need everything / I need you"
Notes: The lyrics are from "Everything" by Pigface.
Aya/Yoji. If m/m interaction bothers you, pass this by.
Spoilers: "Mission 13: Bruch -- Rain of Revenge," "Mission 15: Duell-- Hunters of Revenge," "Mission 16: Schatten -- Return to Battle," "Mission 17: Kritiker -- Pride With No Name," and "Mission 21: Trane -- Memories."
Disclaimer/Other: All things _Weis Kreuz_ belong to Koyasu Takehito, Project Weis, Polygram k.k., and Animate Film. No infringement intended.
Archival/distribution: Anywhere, as long as you ask me first.
Feedback: can be sent to Viridian5@aol.com
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