Sirius rushes ahead of them, desperate for the toilet.
James slings an arm around Remus's shoulders as they walk back to the flat, hand playing carelessly with the hair that curls over his collar. Remus shivers. It's been years since James has touched him like that, years since he's wanted him to.
He fumbles with the door, James leaning against him, solid muscle at his side and warm breath on his ear.
"Let's have a go," James murmurs when they're inside, pressing him into the wall, hands sliding over his shoulders, down to his hips, fumbling and unsteady. "One last time for old times' sake."
"This is a really bad idea." He knows it is. They both do. He loves Sirius. James loves Lily. They both have what they want.
"I know. Don't care."
"You're getting married in a week."
James's hands regain their agility, fingers working the buttons of Remus's jeans. "Then what--"
"Old times' sake. One last hurrah." He grins and Remus feels his reluctance begin to melt away. "Stag night, you know?" Remus's groan at the pun turns into a gasp as James drags his lips over the sensitive skin on Remus's neck.
"Oi! Why are you molesting my boyfriend?" Sirius's smile is false, his eyes cold.
James turns and Remus slumps against the wall, relief warring with disappointment.
"Old times' sake," James says for the third time, and Remus wants to hit him. Sirius doesn't know. If Remus had his way, Sirius would never know about the nights he and James spent in bed together when they were still at school.
"Old times-- what the fuck are you on about, Prongs?"
"One last night with my mates before I get married."
"Yeah," Sirius says, and Remus can hear impatience, which could so easily become anger. "What do you think we were doing at that club, with those naked girls?"
James waves a hand. "Those naked girls aren't Lily, so who cares?"
"Remus isn't Lily."
"Don't be daft, Sirius. I know that."
"And yet, you were kissing him."
"I'd kiss you, too, if you'd shut the fuck up for a minute."
Sirius shuts up, more out of surprise than anything else, as far as Remus can see, and James reaches out a hand and pulls him close.
Remus has to close his eyes and swallow hard, as several long-retired fantasies spring back to life in his head when James cups Sirius's chin and kisses him.
"What are you playing at, James?" Sirius's voice is low, urgent when he breaks the kiss. "And what did you mean by 'old times' sake?'"
James walks backward toward Remus, still leaning against the wall, and brings Sirius along with him. "Remus and I -- we used to--" He blushes and Remus would laugh at his sudden attack of modesty if things weren't so tense.
"We used to fuck," Remus says matter-of-factly. "Before you and I, before Lily. James and I used to fuck."
"And is that what you want now?" Sirius asks, eyes boring into him. Things have been strained between them lately and this may just be the final straw.
"It's what I want," James interrupts, as always, needing to be the center of their attention. "Both of you." He leans back against Remus, brushes a quick kiss over his lips.
Remus looks at Sirius, silently begging him not to force him to make this choice, but Sirius has never been merciful. Finally, Remus says, "Whatever you want is fine with me, Sirius."
"So you want to. With James."
"No, with you and James. I used to imagine--" he stops. Maybe the firewhisky's affected him more than he thought.
"Not only are you an arse bandit, but you're a pervert," James says, fingers working at Sirius's fly now. "I always knew I liked you, Remus."
Sirius is silent for what feels like forever, his eyes focused on Remus's face.
Finally, he says, "Okay," just as Remus knew he would. Sirius has never said no to James, not when it was something James really wanted. And it's not like Sirius doesn't want it, too. "This one night."
"Brilliant," James says with a grin, and Sirius gasps as James's fingers find his cock.
James has never been one for subtlety or foreplay, Remus thinks, watching intently as James slips to his knees in front of Sirius. Remus's cock twitches with anticipation, his mind racing ahead to all the ways this could conceivably play out. He thinks he might come in his pants from watching them, something he hasn't done since he was fifteen.
"Wait," Sirius commands, and James stops, looks up, the dim light shining off his glasses. "If we're going to do this, we need to do it right."
James raises his chin, jaw set, and for a moment, Remus thinks they may argue, the way they always do when planning pranks. He doesn't have the patience for it at the moment. They're dangling his favorite fantasy in front of him and they're going to haggle about the details, and as far as he's concerned, that is just not on.
He pushes off the wall and, using the strength they always seem to forget he possesses, hauls James to his feet.
"Bedroom. Now." He can't manage full sentences, too busy concentrating on what's going to happen once they're naked and in his bed.
Sirius flashes a look at him, eyes dark with need, and grins. Sirius knows, even if James has forgotten. Remus plans to refresh his memory very shortly.
They stumble into the bedroom, shedding clothes as they go, James stopping every few steps to kiss one or the other, as Sirius keeps muttering, "Patience, Prongs."
Remus has been patient for three years; he has no more patience left.
They tumble onto the bed, a tangle of hands and legs and lips, pressing and rubbing and shucking what's left of their clothes until there's just the slide of skin on skin, hard muscle moving beneath like an undertow, drowning him in sensation, and Remus can't get enough. He licks and sucks first at one, then the other, learning the flavor of Sirius's chest with the taste of James's already on his tongue. He glances up to see them kissing above his head, James sucking hard on Sirius's tongue, glasses askew and then absently tossed onto the nightstand by Sirius's trembling fingers.
Sirius may have had doubts, but he's never been one to hold back once the decision is made. And Remus is fairly certain Sirius has wanted James forever, so he's going to take advantage of the situation. Remus doesn't think about how that makes him feel; he wants to live in this moment and not worry about the next for once in his life.
James's hands are roaming, skating over Remus's ribs and belly, barely grazing his cock before stroking over the cleft in his arse.
"Tease," he gasps. They look at him, mouths swollen and glistening, eyes wild, like young gods, Dionysus twinned, hungry with need and focused on him. He shivers in anticipation. They move as one, the way they do, and Remus finds himself on his back amongst the extravagant pillows Sirius loves to fuck and sleep on, James sucking on his collarbone, Sirius feathering kisses over his thighs.
"Fuck me," he manages, and Sirius nods, hand already busy slicking his cock before trailing lightly over Remus's arsehole, cool and slippery against the heat of his body. Sirius moves between Remus's legs, tucking a silk-covered pillow under Remus's hips as Remus shifts to accommodate him.
Remus drags James up for a kiss, licking at those full red lips before plunging his tongue between them, dizzy from the feel of Sirius's thick, hard cock pushing into his arse. James rubs against him, moaning into the kiss. He tastes of firewhisky and chips; kissing him always reminds Remus of cool, crisp winter afternoons on the Quidditch pitch.
He growls when James moves away, incapable of doing more as Sirius thrusts into him, sending bolts of pleasure thrumming through his body.
James leans forward and licks the head of his cock, then slides his lips down the length. James's mouth is hot and wet, teasing and sucking, and Remus believes he may just die from it, the sensation stealing all thought from his brain, all control from his body. He shivers and shakes and moans beneath them, surrendering himself to James's mouth and Sirius's cock and the shocks of pleasure they're sending through him.
He's talking, words pouring from him, though he has no idea what he's saying beyond please and fuck, James and Sirius, God and yes. The words have no meaning, or they all mean the same thing at this point. He wants to watch as they fuck him. He spent years imagining this scenario, and he knows the vision of James's lips wrapped around his cock while Sirius fucks him is one he'll be replaying for the rest of his life, but he can't keep his eyes open, can't stop from thrusting up into James's mouth, twisting and straining as he comes with almost painful intensity.
James swallows it all, greedy tongue lapping up whatever he's missed when he finally lets Remus's cock slide out of his mouth. Remus is barely aware of the warmth as Sirius comes inside him, still floating on the bliss of his own orgasm.
Sirius pulls out and slumps down onto the bed, kissing and petting him, murmuring endearments Remus never hears at other times. He loses himself in Sirius's wide, dazed stare before leaning in to kiss his mouth, full lips so soft and succulent.
James presses in behind him, wrapping an arm around Remus's waist and twining a hand in Sirius's hair, stroking his scalp. They spend some time just lying there, holding each other, and Remus thinks life has never been better, when he's finally able to think again.
He turns to look at James. "Did you--"
"Yeah. Watching Sirius fuck you -- God. You should sell tickets, Moony. You'd never be poor again."
Remus smiles but he can feel Sirius withdraw. "It's not enough you want to fuck my boyfriend, but now you want to pimp him out?" Sirius asks.
James looks startled; he laughs, but Remus can hear his underlying unease. "Jesus, Padfoot, it was a joke." Sirius scowls and James laughs again; this time there's a mocking edge to it. "Does it bother you that I was first?"
And then Sirius is climbing over Remus to get to James, ready to throw a punch. Remus forces his way between them, catching Sirius's fist before it falls.
"This is ridiculous. Stop it. Now. And don't talk about me as if I'm not here."
"I don't know, Remus. Maybe James will call off the wedding and the two of you can run away together."
Remus shoves and Sirius falls off the bed. "What the fuck are you on about, Sirius?"
James stands and offers a hand to Sirius, who takes it, rising gracefully from the floor. Remus is secretly relieved; this unthinking show of courtesy means they're not that angry.
James speaks before Sirius can. "Look, I love Lily. This was just -- wedding nerves or something. Wishing we'd done it back at school. Afraid I'll never pull anyone again." He shakes his head. "I don't know." He shoves his glasses on, dresses rapidly. James has given up getting involved in their fights; he's never liked scenes, and he hates not being able to side with Sirius. "I'm leaving. You two work out whatever the hell is wrong. I'm getting married in a week, and my best man and his best man had better be still be speaking to each other."
With a sharp crack, he Disapparates, leaving Remus staring at Sirius, still unsure of what's really causing his bad mood.
He takes a deep breath. "Sirius? Does it really bother you that much?"
"What do you think, Remus?" Sirius says scornfully, grabbing at the clothes still littering the floor. Sirius usually can't be arsed to tidy up, so Remus knows he's truly upset.
"I don't know what to think," he answers, trying to take refuge in avoidance, but Sirius won't let him.
"Bollocks. Don't try that innocent approach with me, Remus." The repeated use of his name is a rather large hint that Sirius's anger won't blow over quickly and can't be weathered in silence.
Sirius turns away, and Remus can see the tension in his muscles. Sirius is always beautiful, but there's something preternatural about him in the dim glow of the candles, light and shadow playing across his broad shoulders and perfectly curved arse. Remus catches his breath at the sight.
He thinks maybe this is something they can share -- he has always come in second to James with Sirius, and now Sirius is coming in second to Lily. It's not the best foundation for a relationship, but he's long since accepted it as the best he can hope for.
"I know you're in love with him," he says quietly, and Sirius whirls around to face him, shocked. Sirius has always underestimated him.
"I know you're in love with James. That's why you're upset. That's why I never told you when he and I were shagging."
"So you're second choice, then? I've settled for you?" Sirius's voice is mocking, edged with anger that doesn't quite make sense. "And that's all right with you?"
"What the fuck is wrong with you, Remus?" Sirius throws up his hands. "What makes you think that's what you deserve?"
"I--" He's always been good with words, able to articulate reasonably and clearly, but at this moment, they desert him, even the three he most wants to say.
Sirius grabs his shoulders and Remus almost flinches at the intensity of his gaze, but he forces himself to meet it steadily. "Are you in love with James?"
"Me? No. I thought-- back in sixth year, yes, but not now. Not for a long time." It's the right answer, but more importantly, it's the honest one. He loves James dearly as a friend, and lusted after him for a long while, but has since learned the difference.
Some of the tension leaves Sirius's body and Remus is starting to understand.
"And tonight?" Sirius asks, thumbs sliding up and down against his shoulders.
"It was fucking hot, Padfoot. You have to admit that." Sirius's lips twitch, but he manages to keep his expression fierce. Remus drops his gaze. "And I thought you wanted it. I thought you always wanted it. Him." He swallows hard past the lump forming in his throat, disgusted with himself, that even after all these years he's still capable of being upset at what he knows is his lot in life.
"So all this time we've been together, you thought I was closing my eyes and thinking of James."
"Then what, exactly, have you been thinking? Because it obviously isn't anything good about me, and while I may deserve that, you don't." Sirius raises Remus's chin, forcing him to meet his eyes.
Remus draws a shaky breath, opens his mouth to deny it, but Sirius isn't done speaking.
"We've known each other for almost nine years, Remus. When have I ever settled? When have I ever not taken what I wanted, and be damned to the consequences?"
Remus doesn't even have to think to know the answer to that. "Never."
"So what makes you think I did with you?" Sirius's voice is soft now, almost gentle, and Remus lowers his gaze, unable to bear any sign of pity in Sirius's eyes.
He shrugs one shoulder, his head starting to hurt from too much whisky and not enough water. "I'm a were--"
Sirius doesn't even let him finish the word. "You're an idiot, is what you are. Next you'll say I'm only shagging you to piss off my family." He sounds odd, uncertain, but Remus can offer no reassurance. Remus shrugs again; the thought has crossed his mind. At this lack of denial, Sirius drops his hands and begins picking up his clothes again. Remus shivers at the loss of warmth.
"Fuck you, then, Remus. Fuck you and your self-pity and your stupid condition." Sirius spits the last word like the curse it really is, but his eyes are suspiciously bright.
Remus can only stare for a few moments as Sirius pulls on his shirt and struggles to button it.
"Let me," he says finally, pushing Sirius's fingers out of the way and smoothing the soft cotton over Sirius's chest with gentle fingers. He keeps his eyes on his hands, unable to look at Sirius's face when he says, "I love you, you know. I don't say it enough, but I do."
"You never say it," Sirius mumbles.
"I love you," Remus says again. "But sometimes I can't believe I'm good enough or human--" he stumbles over the word, "enough for you to love me back."
They've had too much to drink, and they're saying things that should be left unsaid, or maybe things they should have said a long time ago. Remus isn't sure.
"You're the most -- the best human being I know, Moony." Sirius takes Remus's hand and lifts it to his lips. "And I hate that you doubt that, doubt me. You have good reason to. I know. But I wish I could make you feel what I feel."
Remus doesn't think he could survive feeling the way Sirius does, with everything on the outside of his skin, exposed to the world. But he thinks he could try, maybe, once in a while. If that's what Sirius needs from him.
"I love you," he says a third time, because three times is the charm, even in the wizarding world, powerful and binding as any spell cast in Latin or Greek. He runs his thumb over the perfect bow of Sirius's mouth and then follows that path with his lips.
Sirius doesn't respond at first, and Remus pulls away, opens his mouth to speak. He's had the words in his head for a long time, the speech about how maybe their being together was a bad idea, and Sirius needs someone else, someone who is not him, though he's never expected he will be the one to end it. He's always known Sirius will eventually leave him, but he's grown to love this man who can only ever break his heart. And he hates that he sounds like a melodramatic fifteen-year-old even in his own head, but there is something about Sirius that has always -- will always -- bring that out in him.
He licks his lips, putting off the moment of truth for just a second longer, and then Sirius's tongue is in his mouth, hard, slick and wet, and Sirius's hands are in his hair, grabbing on and holding tight.
They stumble back to the bed, and it's better this way, Remus thinks, just the two of them, and nothing in between to keep them apart.
Achromatic: http://www.unfitforsociety.net/musesfool LJ: http://musesfool.livejournal.com
Please post a comment on this story.
Fandom: Harry Potter
Title: Stag Night (One of Five Ways Sirius, James and Remus Never Had Sex with Each Other)
Author: Victoria P. [email]
Details: Standalone | NC-17 | *slash* | 17k | 04/07/04
Summary: "So you want to. With James." "No, with you *and* James."
Notes: Thanks as always to Jen, Pete/Melissa, Dot, and Meg. This could be seen as a sequel to Thy Sensual Fault, and is certainly even more AU than usual for me. *g*
Disclaimer/Other: All Harry Potter characters belong to Rowling and Scholastic etc.; this piece of fan-written fiction intends no infringement on any copyrights.
Archive: Lists, Achromatic
Feedback: would be lovely.
Thanks to DD and Laura for the beta, and to Sam and Casira for collaborating.
Their sections are available here:
The Way It Started by Sam Vimes
Sharing Secrets by Casira
The Moon and Memory by Casira
If It's Us by Sam Vimes
[top of page]
|Home/QuickSearch + Random + Upload + Search + Contact + GO List|