Notes: Te said: "Sex pollen!" I said: "Okay!" Cue the deranged cliche porn.
Quick'n'dirty beta by Nestra. Spoilers through "Wild Cards".
"So it's just you and me, huh?" Flash said, watching Batman flip switches and feeling the Javelin power up around them. Batman didn't answer, didn't even pause in what he was doing, not that Wally expected him to, because that was pretty much a rhetorical question. GL and Hawkgirl were off on a date. Wally had given John a wink and nudge before they left, and he didn't want to call them in if they didn't have to. None of them got enough time off, but he figured as long as some of the team had fun every once in a while, it'd keep them all from killing each other.
Or, really, killing him, since that was what they seemed to do when they went crazy, but Wally wasn't thinking about that.
"Batman?" Princess's voice came on over the comm system.
Batman pushed a button. "Yes?"
"We received your message, but I fear we are too far away to lend you aid."
"That blows," Wally offered.
The Princess ignored him. "J'onn, Superman and I will return as soon as we can, but the peace talks with the Karagu go slowly."
"Understood. Batman out." Batman hit a few more switches, wrapped his hands around the controls, and then they were off, climbing toward the clouds.
It wasn't that he was uncomfortable with Batman, because weirdly enough, he wasn't. It was just that Wally had been deeply involved in the creation of a hoagie when the news of a hostage situation came down the pipe, and he had no idea what they were in for. And getting information out of Batman was like trying to squeeze blood from a thousand-year-old mummy.
"So where we goin'?" he finally asked, kicking his feet.
"The Gotham City Botanical Gardens."
"Huh," Wally said. "Gotham has botanical gardens?"
Batman's mouth moved in the barest of smiles, and it made him look like a carnivore. "Yes."
"Good to know." He waited another five minutes to ask, "Do we know who the bad guy is?"
Batman went still, as if he'd just heard glass shatter. "Ivy."
"Ivy?" Wally said. "Poison Ivy? Man, she gives me the creeps. What's she up to, now?"
Batman just clenched his hands tighter on the flight controls, and Wally let him be, because there were times when even he realized that shutting up was a good idea. The skyline turned gray and foreboding, and it wasn't long before Batman was landing the Javelin on the roof of the botanical gardens. Wally zipped out and paused to boggle at the gargoyles.
"Note to self," he said, "people of Gotham? Freaky." He caught Batman looking at him. "Present company excluded, of course."
Batman, thankfully, turned away instead of hitting him, and peered down through the glass ceiling of the gardens. Wally zipped to his side, looked down, and exclaimed, "Hey, she's got kids in there!"
"A local third grade class takes a field trip every year to visit the Peppermint Forest," Batman said.
Wally stared at the figures huddled together on the floor, their wrists and ankles shackled with heavy vines. If there was one thing he couldn't stand, it was when supervillains messed with defenseless little kids. The jerks should at least have the decency to pick on somebody their own size.
"Let's get her," Wally said, smacking his fist into his palm.
"You make sure the children get free," Batman said. "I'll take care of Ivy."
Wally nodded and smiled a little meanly, because he figured pretty soon, it was gonna suck to be her. But plant lady totally had it coming. He watched Batman secure a grappling hook and then hold up three fingers, folding each one down, three-two-one, and then he was crashing through the ceiling. Wally followed through the hole Batman had made and ran down the wall, immediately heading for the kids. A couple of thuggish plants shuffled toward him, and Wally looked around wildly for a weapon.
For a moment, he thought was screwed, but then he spotted a shovel next to a couple of bags of dirt about half an acre away. "Score!"
He spent an enjoyable two minutes speed-whacking the hell out of Ivy's leafy goons, and when he was pretty sure they were nothing but pulp, he sped over to the kids. There were about thirty of them, and he used the sharp end of the shovel to chop at the vine holding them hostage. The vine started leaking ichor and slithering away after a couple of good blows, allowing the kids to scramble free. One little girl wearing a thick pair of glasses and lopsided pigtails glommed onto his leg.
There was a crash and a high-pitched scream somewhere else in the garden, and Wally suddenly wondered how Batman was doing.
"Let's get you guys out of here!" he told kids, picking the girl up and herding them toward the exit. Outside, it was radio static and sirens, people shouting, a line of cops with their arms out to hold back parents of the children inside. There were a bunch of cop cars clustered close to the exit, and Wally handed off the little girl to an older guy with white hair who looked kind of familiar. Wally gently detached another kid from his leg and shooed him toward a pretty officer with black hair; her name badge said 'Montoya'.
As soon as all the kids were clear, Wally sped back into the gardens to see if Batman needed any help. "Hey, Bats!" he called out. A batarang whipped past his head and sliced up an encroaching plant. Wally turned around and saw Batman struggling with a vine that was wrapped around his waist like a boa constrictor.
"The plants don't like it when you hurt their mother!" Ivy hissed, her hair like curling flame. Her lips were green and her body was bodacious, but the chick was evil to the core, and Wally wondered where he'd left the shovel.
Batman grunted in pain, and Wally settled for using his fists, punching at the thick vines. Batman sliced through the one trying to crush him and threw a bola at Ivy. She howled as it wrapped around her and pinned her arms.
"I want revenge for the deaths of my children," she said, her pretty face twisted in anger. A moment later, her face relaxed into a smile, and it gave Wally the creeps.
"How are you gonna do that?" he said, speed-whacking another vine. "In case you haven't noticed, you're kind of tied up."
"Stupid man," Ivy sneered. A huge vine swung their way, heavy orange buds unfurling into big, ugly flowers.
"Flash, duck!" Batman said, but it was too late. The plants made this huffing noise, and then spat a cloud of pollen at them like one of those trick flowers that squirt water. The pollen was orange and sticky, and it made him sneeze, like, six times in a row.
"Ew, this reeks!" Wally exclaimed, trying to brush it off and only succeeding in smearing it everywhere. "What the hell is this stuff?"
Ivy laughed, and Batman tossed one of his little gas bombs at her. Seconds later, she sagged into unconscious la-la land, which Wally figured was poetic justice.
"You okay, Bats?" Wally asked. The orange gunk was really thick on his cape.
Batman didn't answer. He just looked more intense than usual, which was actually kind of freaky. Wally sneezed again and felt a little dizzy, his heartbeat speeding up like his blood was trying to breakdance in his veins.
"Gordon can handle it from here," Batman finally said, firing off another grapple. His arm was hard around Wally's waist, and then they were flying back up toward the hole in the ceiling.
Wally staggered when Batman let go of him, and was the roof supposed to be tilting that way? "I don't feel so good," he admitted, tugging at the neck of his uniform. He leaned against the Javelin's landing gear. "I'm hot. Are you hot?"
Batman made a dark noise deep in his throat, and Wally suddenly realized that Batman was, like, standing really close. He had a smudge of orange pollen on his jaw, and it made Wally think of sex.
In fact, he suddenly wanted to have sex with everything, and what the hell?
Batman stepped closer and the movement caused his cape to tickle at Wally's calves. His blood was boiling, and there were little sparkly things in his peripheral vision. And then Batman was between his legs, pushing him back against the landing gear and kissing him wildly with teeth and tongue and hard lips, and Wally's fingers skidded over body armor.
"Ivy," Batman growled and bit at Wally's mouth. He looked like he'd discovered that somebody had painted the Batmobile bright pink.
Wally gasped and tried not to rub himself all over Batman's body. He failed miserably, but Batman didn't hurt him for it, so Wally wrapped his legs around his waist. "Wait -- the flowers?"
"Pollen," Batman corrected, and kissed him again with hard, deep strokes of his tongue. He shoved his hand down the front of Wally's uniform. The gauntlet was kind of uncomfortable, but his dick didn't care. He dug his heels into the back of Batman's thighs and arched his hips, and dizzily wondered where Batman learned how to do that thing with his thumb.
Touching him was like petting an armored car, and Wally made a frustrated noise, tugging on the slick cowl. He wanted skin and he wanted to come, and he couldn't remember needing to be naked and sweaty with somebody so bad in his entire life.
Batman took a step back and Wally went with him, landing on wobbly feet. They lurched toward the steps, Wally's hands sliding over Batman's utility belt to grope his ass, and god, what an ass. Batman kept moving forward, his body like a brick wall and his hand still stroking Wally's cock. Wally stumbled up the Javelin's steps, panting heavily.
Batman stopped just inside the door and let go of him. He glowered, his hands clenched and his jaw like granite. His eyes went narrow behind his mask.
"Hey --" Wally said, and blinked when the sparkles got brighter. "I --"
"Clothes. Off," Batman demanded, and a thoughtless second later, Wally had his boots and gloves off, and was shimmying out of his pants. Batman narrowed his eyes underneath his mask, and tugged off his gauntlets by biting the fingers with his teeth.
Wally stood there and watched him, half-naked, still wearing his mask, and his cock standing at attention, but Batman didn't take anything else off. He just pushed Wally down between the seats and loomed over him, dark and solid, his cape hissing along the cold floor.
Wally reached for him, and then Batman slid a muscular thigh between Wally's legs and spread him wide open. Batman's mouth was on his neck, biting at him through the uniform, his tongue wet and hard. Wally's cock leaked against his belly and his hands clutched at Batman's shoulders, and suddenly the sparkly things started to fade from his eyes.
"Oh fuck," he said.
Batman's hand was rough and knowing, jerking Wally off, and his mouth was hot on Wally's neck, and there was the very slight problem that he was having sex with Batman, and where the hell did his pants go?
"Oh fuck," he said again. "We can't --"
Batman ignored him. Wally was used to that, but right now really wasn't the time.
"The pollen," he said weakly as Batman squeezed his balls and then stroked a rough knuckle over Wally's asshole. "It's making you -- oh god."
And the really important things like 'super metabolism' and 'worn off already' and 'evil stupid sex pollen bad bad bad' got lost in a garble in Wally's throat as Batman pushed in his thumb to the first knuckle.
He was hemmed-in by the seats on either side, the flight controls behind his head, and a very determined Batman everywhere else.
Oh yeah, he was screwed.
"You're..." he gasped, wiggling on Batman's thumb, "not in your right mind, and... oh god do that again."
"I know," Batman said, his voice a low growl in Wally's ear. "I don't care."
"Okay then," Wally said immediately.
Batman took his thumb away and his utility belt clicked, and then slick fingers were pushing into his ass. Wally wanted to ask him why he was carrying lube around wherever he went, but realized it was a stupid question, because having lubricant on hand when you were a guy who did a lot of breaking and entering? Not so crazy, and god that felt good. Batman kissed him again, hard and deep, and then said, "Get on your knees."
Wally used his super speed to comply, the floor cold underneath his hands and knees. There was the sound of something being unbuckled or snapped, or whatever the hell Batman did to get out of his uniform. Batman put his hand on Wally's ass, and then pushed in the blunt head of his cock. Wally squeezed his eyes shut underneath his mask and bit his lip, and came all over himself. Behind him, Batman froze, grunting as Wally clamped around his cock.
"S'okay," Wally gasped, shaking. "I'm just --" super speedy in almost all things, he didn't say. "Keep going."
Batman didn't hesitate. He pushed in all the way, big and hard and stretching him out of shape, and Wally's dick was already twitching with interest, and this was why his dates with girls never worked out, but it wasn't something you could really chat about over iced mochas. Batman's breath was warm on the back of his neck, the cape draping down over both of them, body armor pressing into Wally's shoulder blades.
Wally swallowed a hysterical giggle and pushed back, because there was no way in hell he was going to tell Batman to move, but then he did, deliberate and hard, just like everything else the man did. Wally hung his head between his arms and tried to remember how to breathe as Batman nailed him to the floor with sharp, grinding pushes of his hips.
Batman wasn't loud -- of course he wasn't loud -- but Wally could hear him breathing for once, could hear soft little grunts as he forced his way into Wally's body, the head of his cock bumping at his prostate and making Wally come again with a whimper. He could feel the repressed groan in every part of Batman's body, and he started fucking Wally even harder.
The sex was going to kill him, but Wally didn't mind, because it would save Batman the trouble of doing it later when the stupid evil pollen wore off, and "oh god, oh god," he chanted. He went down on one elbow and touched himself, and it hurt to be hard again already, but it wasn't like he had a choice about it.
Batman bit the back of his neck. Wally moaned and tried to spread his legs wider, Batman's uniform cool and slick against the inside of his thighs.
"Oh fuck," Wally said breathlessly. His knees were killing him, and he couldn't help making these "hunh, hunh, hunh" noises every time Batman thrust into him, hard and fast. Third time was going to be the charm, he could feel it coiling in his guts, urgent, painful pleasure, and Jesus, he had a whole new appreciation for Batman's insane stamina now.
He didn't have the air to laugh, so he just rested his forehead on his closed fist and jerked his cock, and came so hard he started seeing sparkly things again. His ears buzzed, and he thought maybe Batman swore, but he couldn't honestly tell. A long, hard grind, god, then Batman bit his neck again and came without saying a word.
Wally let Batman's weight push him down flat, his body loose and sweaty, muscles quivering, and he decided he was too tired to care about the giant wet spot or the huge guy draped over his back.
He would just stay down here until Batman decided to kill him.
Which, judging from the amount of time had passed since the pollen had worn off for Wally, should be just about anytime now.
Batman didn't stir for a while, but he was surprisingly gentle about it when he did, pulling out slowly and squeezing Wally's thigh. There was a snap and a buckle, and when Wally looked over his shoulder, Batman was completely dressed again, and there was something so very wrong about the fact that Wally didn't know where his pants were.
Wally cleared his throat. Batman's jaw clenched. Wally's ass was getting cold.
Sex. Gay sex. Gay sex with Batman. Cats and dogs living together. The world was insane. Maybe he should order a pink suit.
"I guess this means you like me, huh?" Wally said.
Batman glared at him.
"Hey, it's a perfectly valid question," he protested.
"Get dressed," Batman growled.
"Great," Wally said grumpily, helping himself stand using one of the chairs. "You're gonna be weird about this. Just great. Stupid evil pollen," he muttered.
He turned around in a circle looking for his pants, his thighs trembling. A hand closed over his shoulder, and he turned to see Batman pointing at a pile of red fabric near the door. Wally wiggled into his pants and began the hunt for his boots.
"It's not like you have to worry about me talking about it," Wally said, bending down to look under the chairs. "I mean, what would I say? 'Hey, guys! Guess what? Poison Ivy doused us with sex pollen, and whoa baby! Don't come a'knockin' if the Javelin's a'rockin'!'"
There was a weird sound as Wally slipped on his left boot, and he realized that it was Batman grinding his teeth.
"I'll shut up now," Wally said, putting on his other boot and sitting down in the passenger seat. He hissed and shifted, trying to find a way to sit comfortably.
Batman loomed at his shoulder. "Are you all right?"
"Yeah, sure," Wally said, shrugging. "Came three times, my ass is sore, still don't know what you look like, and thank god you're like the Fort Knox of secrets, because this is just weird."
"Duly noted," Batman said dryly.
"You know, I don't know how to fly this thing," Wally said after a minute.
Batman squinted at him grimly and sat down in the pilot's seat. He flipped a bunch of switches, pulled back on the controls, and then they were in the air again. Wally was really gonna have to figure out how to do that, some day.
Wally fidgeted with the lightning bolts on his mask. "So, we're not doing this again, right? Just so we're clear."
Batman's jaw clenched even harder and his lips disappeared.
"That's not clear," Wally argued.
The answering glare probably registered on the Richter scale.
"Never mind," Wally said, slinking down in his seat. "Shutting up now."
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