Title: Love Hurts (That damned unreleased version by Bon Jovi drives me outta
my limited mind. Yes, I know it's corny.)
Rating: NC-17, vanilla sex purely
Disclaimer: The Young Riders, season 2.
Ambiance: West in 1860, hence the out of date reality. The Lou-character is a female; travesting as a male rider for the PonyExpress
Summary: See title
Notes: Welcome to a new fandom :) I thought I'd post this and see how it's received by this very critical bunch. And yes, I am trembling
Feedback: Give it to me, I think I can handle it :)
She watched him chop wood in the setting sun. From her place on the porch alongside Noah she had the perfect view. And the perfect disguise. She was just sitting here, waiting for Cody to get back and switch with Noah. So she watched him, madder than she had been with him in ages. They weren't even together any longer, so why did he have to offer his opinions about what was too dangerous for her? What gave him the right? He had courted that Samantha woman shamelessly and now he said she shouldn't take this run? Who did he think he was? And Noah siding with him? She turned to glare at the man by her side.
"Oh no, Lou, don't start!" Noah waved a hand in the air, a smirk on his face.
"If Jimmy were here he wouldn't have stopped..."
"And you just had to point that out, didn't ya? Like the tension around here ain't enough without you draggin' him into it too." Noah interrupted her, casting a glance at the woman at his side. "It's my turn anyhow and I can't wait to get outta here, this bunkhouse is gettin' kinda explosive."
"An' why do you think I want out?" Lou shot back, shifting in her seat, the tension and anger growing in her.
"Oh, I think you have other reasons," Noah mumbled.
"What?" She turned back to him, not hearing what he was saying.
"Oh Lou, please, you've been mad at 'im since that Sam..." A glance that threatened to bury him six feet under had him pause and move ever so slightly further from the edgy young woman. "That, incident with, well - anyways, it's gettin' hard to be around the two of you in the same room...actually, some of us have considered changing state."
"Look at him," Lou feigned not to hear, "that pile's gonna come crashin' down, can't even make a decent pile o' wood that one! And he's tellin' me I can't...."
"Why don't you go tell 'im?" Noah tried, anything to have the two of them talking to each other instead of this anger and tension in the air. Kid's fretting since he found out about Jimmy's and Lou's adventure and the man holding Lou hostage. Oh, they tried denying everything, acting overly civil to each other. And they managed occasionally. But whenever they met in the door, or had to sit close, they failed. In fact, whenever they were in the same room the feigned 'just friends' drove the rest of them out of their wits. And now this, Kid learning about Jimmy and Lou's little adventure with a former gunfighter. He was about to burst in his seams. If Jimmy really were around they would have seen another of the fights. But Jimmy wasn't so Kid took it out on the wood, fiercely. Denial is such an healthy state o' mind, Noah grinned at the thought.
"I will!" Lou declared and rose to her feet, her hands running over her hips, as if to adjust the fit of her pants before she walked over to the fierce wood chopper.
Noah leaned up against the pole and decided to enjoy the play. Lou had that swing of her hips when she walked and even he found it delicious. It was bound to drive the Kid further up the wall. Her hair was mighty fine, no one in their right minds would take Louise McCloud for a boy right now. Grinning he watched the couple clash at the woodpile.
"What ar'ya doin'?" An accusing finger to the wood thrown haphazardly into what might, with some imagination, be called a pile.
"Choppin'," a gruff from the man briefly looking up at the woman standing in front of him.
Lou took a step closer staring him down; "you call that a pile? You've scattered the wood all over the place" Her hands now on her hips.
Noah smiled at the challenging position and the look on Kid's face as he let the ax rest and turned to look at the woman in front of him. Speechless as it seemed. Poor Cody, all alone with these two tonight, he thought, Rachel sure picked a good time to take Jesse to the dentist. Shaking his head he pondered if he should find an excuse to send Lou on the ride after all?
But the sight of Kid looking at Lou had him wipe that thought away. The man was practically devouring the woman in front of him. It was like he couldn't take his eyes off her. Despite his trials to seem indifferent at times, his stance right at this moment told a whole other tale. He just stood there, ax still in hand and watched her.
Lou, just as deep in denial of her true feelings, didn't heed. "Well, quit the choppin' and do some cleanin' up around here. Rachel's gonna get mad when she comes back and sees this mess. When Jimmy chops the wood he...."
Oh God! Noah felt like running for cover.
"Oh, so you want Jimmy to chop your wood, do ya?" Kid stepped closer too, the two separated by an inch or so, glaring at each other.
"At least he knows what he's doin'!" Lou moving in even closer, a defiant look on her face.
They were standing so close now that a sheet of paper wouldn't fit in between the two of them. It wouldn't dare try separate them. Nevertheless, still without really touching, still in denial. Noah eyed around the premises, praying nobody was around to watch this. It was just as compromising a situation as if they were rolling around the yard. Everything about them spoke of the true reasons for their anger; very badly concealed need and desire. Jealousy and a yearning to re-stake one's claims. Mutual stubbornness and pride. Regret and bitterness - an explosive concoction. Noah sighed.
Lou was looking up into Kid's face, the anger she emanated with her entire body seemed to increase at the close, but not close enough, proximity of the source of her irritation.
"At least he don't chop wood for every skirt in town!" She spat with enough venom to make a rattler croak.
Noah groaned inwardly, watching Kid's stance change into defensive. That one must have stung.
Kid didn't move at first, he stood firm at his place, only the tensing of his shoulder spoke about a reaction. Then he lowered his face even closer to Lou's.
For a fraction of a second Noah thought he'd kiss her. Nervously he glanced around the premises again. He'd have to get them away from here. But he didn't have to. A sound from where the two were standing alerted his attention back to the pair. Kid had turned on his heels and walked away. Leaving a fuming Lou behind.
"Hey!" She hollered, watching the man stalk away from her. His pace almost fleeing, "Ya think I'm gonna clean this up?" She started after him to the toolshed, running, her eyes throwing daggers at his back.
He heard her steps behind him, the rackety door swinging on its hinges after his hasty entrance. Slamming the ax into the chopping block in the far end of the toolshed he stopped and stuck his hands into his pockets. The anger and the arousal making his breath run uneven.
He turned as the door slammed shut behind her. He turned and watched her in the light of the setting sun oozing in through the only window in the long and narrow room. Her eyes dark and alluring, her expression of proud independence mocking him. All he wanted right now was scoop her into his arms, make her forget Jimmy and everything else. Standing in a square of light, her thin shirt letting the sun shine through it. Revealing her features to the world, the curves he wanted to touch. Her auburn hair highlighted with copper tones, her hips' movements as she walked. If she came any closer he'd have to touch her, he'd have to make her his all over again. So he bit down on his lips and scowled a harsh; "Don't!"
"Don't what?" Her voice just as threatening.
Don't come any closer, don't stay around me, I don't know what will happen if you do. The thought flew through his head. But her eyes held a clear challenge. And he had to either respond or back off, he opted for the latter. "Just don't Lou, don't...."
"Still pining are we? Funny how all them girls walk out on ya Kid. Ever wondered why?" She came closer all the same, a smirk on her face. Like she was enjoying the whole situation. Like she wanted to rub the fact that she didn't want him, into his bones. Remind him constantly that he wasn't what she needed. Was Jimmy what she needed?
"Might it be coz' you keep tellin' them what they can or can't do all the time?"
Looking at her, he realized she was really trying to make him angry. She enjoyed it. And it scared him to think about what could happen to her if she played with other men, the wrong men, like this? There were men that wouldn't think twice about taking a woman without asking. Didn't she know that? Didn't she realize how the mere thought of it kept him awake the nights she wasn't safely in her bunk? Her stubborn refusal to see the reasons for his fretting made him mad. Why wouldn't she understand?
He walked angrily towards her, and she backed towards the door. It took three steps to reach her, forcing her to retreat until the door stopped her. Her eyes didn't hold a challenge anymore, they were frightened. And even though it tore at his heart, it was exactly what he wanted to show her. His arms now framed her body, close to her upper arms, resting on the thick boards of the door. She looked up into his face. Her hand looking for the knob. Without a word he latched the door shut. Wishing she'd understand how easy it was to get into situations one couldn't handle. A woman with such a tiny frame would have nothing to set up against a man wanting to hurt her. Why didn't she understand that? Out in the night, sleeping, she was easy prey for anybody. Why couldn't she just see that?
"What are you doin?" Her voice shivered slightly, her eyes now insecure.
"This is why I don't want you to go out on rides alone in the middle of the night, you're small Lou. There's nothing you can do if you get into a situation like this. What would you do? Shoot me? Like this you can't get to your gun."
It pained him to do what he was doing to her, and his arousal had subsided considerably. But still, he needed to pull it further, to really get his point across. Taking her wrists he pinned her whole body to the door with his own, his hips grinding into hers. "You can't hit me either, Lou. There's nothing you can do. I can have my way with you if I want to, you know that."
"I can scream," she sputtered, her confidence back now.
He crushed her lips with his. A hard kiss, a kiss that held nothing but his desperation. She stiffened under his hold at first. Arching from the door right into his body. The slight sign of panic in her had him loosen his hold immediately. But his point had come through and she shivered in his hold.
"I'm sorry," he whispered to her, "I needed to make you see." He kissed her front tenderly, wishing he hadn't done what he just had. She turned her face to his and looked straight into his eyes. The challenge back. But he wasn't in the mood to fight her any longer, now he wanted to make amends. Cupping her head in his hand he smiled apologetically at her, wordlessly telling her she had won. She was right and he was sorry. The expression in her eyes softening. Inkling his head he whispered his apology against her cheek once again and kissed her. Slowly and tenderly, playing with her bottom lip, knowing how much he loved her. Knowing it was over, he would probably never be this close again. Needing one last, sweet kiss. But the softness of her lips, memories, and the scent of her so close had him needing more. His tongue moved over her slightly parted lips, sending a shiver through him, straight to his groin. She opened her mouth and answered with a hunger that surprised him.
He remain with his hips ground into hers and his arousal was immediate. For a moment he considered letting go off her, leaving her and walking out. But he couldn't, he wouldn't be able to leave. Her body under his, not stiff any longer, but curved into his in pleasure. Her tongue swirling with his, slowly and languidly now. The kiss sent him reeling, it melted down his defenses, destroyed his futile attempt for control. He grabbed her hips, lifting her up slightly so they were face to face. They paused and locked gaze, for a mere desperate second, then they kissed with frenzy. The length of their bodies crushed together.
Her legs came up around his waist and he groaned into the kiss. The soft and rounded breasts pushing into his chest, her hips moving. Her breath now quick and shallow. Hoisting her up further he bowed his head and buried his nose in the valley between her breasts. Taking in her scent, letting his tongue play on the skin emerging between the buttons. Her softness had him tremble. Taking the fabric between his teeth and pulling until the buttons finally opened and he had her hot smooth skin under his own ragged cheek. Closing his eyes he took her nipple into his mouth. Her hands nestled into his hair and she let out a suffocated sound of pleasure. The sound made him take more of her into his mouth, encouraged by her hips' movements he let his tongue swirl around the pebbled nipple in his mouth. The sensation of the pointed flesh had him suckle it hard. Rolling his tongue around it, aching from the need it sent throughout him. She drove him out of his mind, he wanted every piece of her. He craved everything she was.
The heat in her spread rapidly, pushing away her anger. His lips around her, teasing and stroking. His mouth suckling her needy flesh. The firm grip on her hips, the erection pressed to her, the warmth and strength of his body had her lose her mind. The initial hint of fear at his advancements had vaporized with his kiss. The first kiss startling her, it took without giving. It craved. And then, then he kissed her almost reverentially. Moving her up to rest against the door as her legs circled his wait for stability, and proximity. Absolutely safe in his hold. His strength now calling out to her, his lips and tongue playing with her, driving her into shivers. Her hips started moving for him. This was so wrong, so incredibly wrong and she couldn't stop herself. She wanted those hands all over her, his erection inside of her. She needed him all over her, inside her, on top of her, rocking her into oblivion. He was trembling now, trailing his lips up her neck. His breath coming in hot puffs of air, breezing over her skin. The sound of his excitement winding her up further. Her fingers flexing around his upper arms, a reflexive plea for more. And he responded; nibbling her, silently devouring her. Breathing jaggedly against her skin. Hands holding her hips as his started pounding into hers. Pressing the erection into her Venus mount, rubbing her most tender spot, making her body react with bolts of desire.
Her hands gripped his hair hard, tugging at it as she arched against him. Mumbling incoherently in her need for his tensed body against hers. Hard and strong, capable and willing, and just as desperate. Their bodies colliding rhythmically, grinding into each other. He was rubbing at the right spot now and she felt her release approaching. Stunned at the rapid response from her body she let her head fall back to the door and ground her hips to his as the wave ripped trough her and she stiffened in his hold. In response he pushed his hips hard up to hers and she groaned as another wave assaulted her while she rubbed herself ecstatically against his erection, prolonging the sweet release. Her hands lost their grip as she slacked against the door. Her breath irregular and fast. With eyes closed she felt him still his movements. Remaining with his body pressed to hers, keeping her trapped.
Cracking her eyes open she looked at him. His face close to hers, a question in the eyes.
Then it dawned on him. The surprise vanishing, a self-confident smile taking its place. Like he was able to give her something she wasn't able to give him.
"Don't flatter yourself," she spat, hoping to conceal the breathlessness.
"You're beautiful," he groaned as he let her weight rest on his hipbone, her legs still wrapped around him. Freeing the hands to trail up along her hips, under her shirt, straight up to her breasts. Flicking his thumbs over the sensitized nipples he smiled watching her reaction. Then his hands traveled down, under the waistband of her pants. With one smooth move the buttons were opened. She marveled at his dexterity, pinning her to the door with ease he had his hands free to roam her body.
She moaned at the perfectly stupid situation they found themselves in. Trying to remind herself how crazy this was. They were broken up, on their separate ways, no longer riding double. But her fingers sneaked down on him in retaliation. Finding his belt, snapping it open. Then she let her trembling legs fall from his waist, wriggling herself out of his hold. Pushing him away from her. Just far enough to get her hands on him.
"Lou, don't...we can't... " he breathed into her hair, but his hands were inching her pants down, cupping her buttocks, drawing her closer to him. Skillfully he freed one of her legs from the restraints. Her boot falling to the sawdust covered floor with a thud. When his large hot hand traveled up from her calf she fought his pants and longjohns. His caresses disturbed her, they made her lose focus and fumble. The shivers his hands caused to rip through her body having her bite down on her lips not to cry out loud. When his lips latched onto her neck she had his pants and longjohns pushed over his hips.
Triumphantly she looked at him, and the dark intensity of the eyes that met hers had her draw a deep shivering breath. A breath that rushed out in a whimper of his name at the sensation of his freed erection against her naked skin. Captured by the look in his eyes she clung desperately to his shoulders as he hoisted her up again. The door behind them squeaking in protest.
More than anything in the world he wanted her right now. He wanted her to come again. Like before when her eyes had hazed over and she had gone slack in his arms. Scaring him for a brief moment before he realized. He wanted to bury himself inside her and forget everything else, push into her and have her sigh his name. Write hers across his heart with every thrust. Mark her skin with his lips forever.
"Hurry," she moaned deep in her throat, her fingers digging into his shoulders. Her dampened hair on his cheek as she nibbled down his neck. Her legs around him again, drawing him inside. Tensing as she felt him starting to widen her tightness, stopping for a moment he waited for her. She moved her hips to accommodate herself on him. Searching for her eyes he saw the hunger in them, but he wasn't sure if it was a hunger for him or for the act itself. He tried to slow down, tell her this wasn't right. They should stop. But then she sank onto him, taking leverage from the door and pushing her hips down onto him. He closed his eyes and answered in kind.
She hissed and curved into him when he reached deep down into her. Fingers now trailing up his neck, into his hair, clutching it until it drew tears to his eyes. He kissed her panting mouth with fierce need, wanting her to eliminate all the insecurities in him. Plant the knowledge that she still needed him, at least for something, deep inside of him. With eyes half closed she took his need and answered it, replying with a sincerity he knew he'd never find in anybody else. And all of a sudden it didn't matter that she didn't love him. Her sounds as he thrust fast and hard inside her told him that at least she needed him. Right at this moment. It didn't matter that all she needed from his was this, because it was at least something. And he would be forever ready to give.
Burying his face at her pulsepoint he slowly drew her deeply over himself, reveling in the abandoned moans and her fingertips digging into his skull. All he knew was that she was all around him, throbbing and burning and he needed her to release and at least once again, say his name in passion.
His hard muscles played against her frame, rubbing her nipples, brushing against her abdomen with every stroke. She wasn't even thinking any longer, she was just sensing, taking all of him in. Nothing mattered, not the fact that they weren't even together, not the fact that they were in a toolshed, people probably passing close by. Seeing their shadows in the window, nothing mattered, except him inside of her, stroking her hard. Taking away her anger and her jealousy, placating her escalating need.
Sobbing she arched against him; she never wanted this to stop. She needed this, this heat and his adoration. The burning in her blood, the mindlessness of the act that shot pleasure through her, blinding her from everything else.
She was so close now, so close. And still she didn't want to let go, she wanted this to last forever more. His skin rubbing hers, fingers spread over her buttocks, lips at her neck. Hot gasps for air, flesh meeting flesh in low thuds. The door behind her rattling from the force. When he suckled the tender skin on the base of her neck she came hard and fast. She tried in vane to stifle the strangled cry of his name that escaped her when she tumbled head-on into the crest. Fingers grasping him forcefully as she gushed her release around him, eliciting another couple of thrusts from him before he pulled out and left her empty. "No," she whimpered, still trembling from the repeating waves, "no."
He leaned in against her, groaning her name, heart hammering in his chest. Then he released onto her, sending his seed up her abdomen. And her body answered his eruption with a tingling last wave before going slack in his arms.
Their breaths filled the room with damp heat, coming rushed and labored. Leaning her cheek against his head resting on her shoulder she watched beads of sweat trickle down his temple. A strand of hair glued to his cheek, by his ear, curling around it. The vein on his neck pulsating rapidly. She felt his muscles shiver as he fought to hold on to her. His abdomen mirroring his breath, fluttering against hers rapidly. She wanted so bad to brush that damp strand of hair behind his ear, but she couldn't let go off her hold, in fear of having him move.
His muscles were twisting in protest, aching from the strain, his knees threatening to give in. But he wouldn't budge. Sensing her body still pressed to his he held on, listening to the fast breathing, rejoicing in the gesture as her cheek came to rest on him. He had no clear recollection of what happened after she came all around him, dragging him along. Barely conscious enough to pull out of her before he let go.
Then his memory was blurred, all he remembered was the immense reaction of his body, the sensation of her skin under his palms and the white light behind his eyelids. And her strong legs around his waist, never faltering, keeping him close. His head swirling slightly he held on, her scent seeping into him, throughout every fiber in his body. And he wanted to cry, tears burned behind his eyelids because of what they had done. Because she wasn't his, because she had turned him down, because she just wanted this of him, not all. And it was wrong. It was wrong and dangerous, and still he couldn't help himself. And if he could, he'd be standing here forever.
"You alright in there?"
The sound of Noah's voice outside had him open his eyes in shock. Lou moved in his arms, struggling against his hold. Wriggling to get loose.
"Oh Lord," she gasped, "let go!"
Pushing him back she freed herself just as the knock rattled the door.
Taking support from the door she struggled to get back into her pants, rummaging for her lost boot. "Yeah, we're fine!" She looked frantic, trying to straighten out her hair, pointing to his pants, sagging around his knees. "Get dressed," she wheezed. Sheer panic in her voice while her fingers worked frenetically on re-buttoning her shirt.
All he could do was watch her, wanting to tell her he was sorry, sorry he had forgot all about Noah, Rock Creek and anything else. Except her.
"What?" The door shook on its hinges. "Why is this door locked?"
"It's not," Lou tried, motioning for him to get a move on.
He did as told, straightening out his disheveled clothing, trying to calm his own breathing. When he raked his hand through his hair and made a gesture of apology at her glare, she groaned, annoyed. How would she ever be able to explain his appearance? His hair was curled and damp, his shirt wrinkled. She'd have to find a very good excuse, and fast. She just couldn't believe she had forgot that there was people close by, her cheeks burned with the shame that assaulted her. How could she have let this happen?
"Yes it is."
"I'm coming!" Lou exclaimed, holding her eyes on the man standing just a few steps away from her, giving him a stern glance to try and behave. The choice of words made her cringe. "I mean I'll be right there, I'm sorry. We were just tidyin' up an' I guess this door must'a...."
Her voice trailed off as she opened the door and found Noah standing there, watching them intently. For the longest while he looked at them, clearly wondering. Letting his eyes travel over them, taking in every detail. Then he cleared his throat; "Oh - well, Cody's just comin' and I thought I'd let you...what the heck happened here, really?"
"We were just lookin' for...well ..uhm...it seems Kid here can't keep his tool in order." The moment she said it she realized the possible implication. She turned to briefly look at the man standing behind her; Kid looked like she had slugged him.
"His tool?" Noah repeated and wrinkled his brow.
"Tools, his tools!" Lou barked, pushing herself out, needing to get out. Her choice of words again so wrong, so incredibly wrong. All she wanted to do now was run away, run and hide. But she couldn't. Noah's wondering gaze had her slow down, turn back to the two and try to explain, find a suitable lie. The sun so low now it was close to dark outside, sheltering her, hiding her embarrassment. "I better go get something to eat for Cody, I bet he's starved and...."
"Right," Noah interrupted, "so you two are alright? I mean... it's safe to leave you two here? Nothing will..."
"Happen?" Lou hissed, "what could possibly happen? There's nothing, absolutely nothing that can possibly happen." She was rambling, she felt Kid's eyes on her, and she knew. She never meant to imply anything. It wasn't his fault, she was just as much to blame as anyone. She never meant to say that. The expression in his eyes unreadable in the semi-darkness, but his silence was very talkative. "I gotta go, really."
Then he finally moved, in the last remains of light she watched him wipe his brow with his sleeve. Or maybe his eyes? Tiredly repositioning himself, leaning up against the wall. And there was just as much regret in his moves as she felt standing there, trying to forget what just had happened. But she guessed that as much as he wanted, he bore the evidence, just like she did. Bad conscience must have stuck to him just like her soiled shirt stuck to her abdomen, reminding her, however much she wanted to deny what just had happened. The evidence of a clandestine meeting, a folly. She knew him well enough to know that.
"You sure you're alright Kid?" Noah asked again, "your breathin's kinda funny. What you lose in there?"
"Everythin' Noah, I think I just lost everything."
The tone of his voice was void of emotion. But she knew him well, so well. That tone only covered the pain she had unwillingly caused him, or maybe pain over what he had gotten himself into? Maybe it was really she who had made it happen? Wasn't it her that had followed him into the toolshed? Hadn't he told her to not bother him? And now he didn't know what to tell Noah, not because of any regard for her. But because he was just as ashamed as she was. Was it because it had happened with her? Or that it had happened at all? Suddenly tears sprang to her eyes, tears of shame and regret. Tears for something lost, something she would never be able to take back. It almost choked her.
So she turned and ran to the bunkhouse. Wiping her eyes from the tears that burned in them, rushing straight inside. Telling Cody to shut up as he greeted her. Running straight to her bunk. Hiding her face in the pillow she choked on her tears.
She loved him and couldn't stop hurting him, just like he did. With that woman, had he done this with her too? It drove her crazy thinking that he had. That intimacy should be only with her, only for her. She loved him and couldn't stop feeling crowded around him. He drove her out of her mind half of the time and she kept coming back for more. That wasn't what love was supposed to be like, and if it was - it really hurt. Clasping the sheet, pretending to sleep as Cody stepped in she shut her eyes tight to stop the tears from running. Love really did hurt, it hurt something awful, so why was it she seemed to never get enough of it? Why was it she never learned? Why did she still long for him? Why did she long for him so much it hurt right now? Despite her regrets and immense shame? The longing a throbbing ache in her, a dull, persistent pain. And why was the stickiness on her abdomen so comforting? The evidence of a mindless act in a toolshed, evidence of what kind of woman she really was. Why was she grateful that it had at least happened with her, not anybody else? At least he had done it with her. However dirty she felt right now she was grateful it was her and him. But how could she be sure? Maybe it had happened before, with somebody else? Wanting to whimper at the thought she clasped the sheet harder, remembering him inside of her. It had felt so right, so beautiful. Why was the memory so hurtful and so precious at the same time?
Opening her eyes she stared blindly into the wall, she would never learn, would she? Love is like a fling, burns you when it's hot.
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