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Title: At the Ballet
Author: Nestra
Email: nestra1@yahoo.com
Rating: PG
Distribution: List archive, if you really want it...
Summary: A filk of "At the Ballet", from A Chorus Line.
Notes: This is meant in fun; I'm not nearly as bitter as this might make me sound. ;-) Spoilers for the basic plot of "Waiting in the Wings", as well as for certain season 3 plot developments.
Disclaimer: Just a parody. All in fun. Please don't sue.
Website: http://bifictionalbedlam.slashcity.net/~nestra


[A spotlight opens on Cordelia, looking fabulous as only she can. We'll put aside the question of how she can afford such a clearly expensive dress when all their money is supposedly going towards feeding, clothing, and protecting Connor.]

CORDELIA:
Angel always swore he'd love Buffy forever
That's what he said, that's what he said.
When he spun off he was dark and noir-y
Now he's goofy and a bit of a dork.
And though he could lose his soul,
Though he could lose his soul,
Though he could lose his soul,
I'm eyeing him.

So there's a curse placed upon him by Gypsies,
And it's a bit of a pain.
If we pretend that it's not too important
Maybe the fans won't complain.
Okay, it doesn't make sense, but who said that
characterization's a must?
They're just details.

[She looks out at the assembled audience, who are collectively groaning in dismay and pointing to pertinent parts of the Watcher's Guide. Both volumes.]

Well, not to them...
Well, not to us...

But everything will change tonight at the ballet.
Cordy's gonna get herself some love!
Yes, everything will change tonight at ballet,
Hey! Watch me get some...at the ballet.

(spoken) That's worth dressing up for, right?

[Angel enters from stage left, clearly uncomfortable in the tuxedo that Cordeila made him rent.]

CORDELIA:
Just ignore the past six years of canon

CORDELIA AND ANGEL:
For the sake of a few cheap thrills
Just ignore the past six years of canon

CORDELIA:
It doesn't make much sense...

ANGEL:
It doesn't make much sense...

BOTH:
It doesn't make much sense...

CORDELIA:
It never will.

[Cordeila steps back out of the light. But not too far.]

ANGEL:
Cordy always said she'd be ready to kill me
If I went bad, if I went bad.
"Promise," she said, "At one sign of trouble
I'll be coming after you with a stake."
And though I don't want to die,
Though I don't want to die,
Though I don't want to die,
I trusted her.

Now third season's here, and I don't know what
happened. Suddenly everything's changed. I've got a
child and Cordelia's part demon And we're both acting
quite strange. I said that Buffy was the one for me.
But it was clear, If not to her, Well, then to
me...

ANGEL AND CORDELIA:
That canon tends to disappear at the ballet.
During sweeps we've got to have a hook.
Yes, canon tends to disappear at the ballet.

[The Host wanders in from stage right and sees Angel and Cordelia drifting towards each other. He quickly steps up and shoves them apart, with a "Can you believe we're supposed to buy this?" look on his face.]

HOST:
Hey!

ANGEL:
Bye-bye canon...

CORDELIA:
At the ballet.

ALL:
Just ignore the past six years of canon
For the sake of a few cheap thrills
Just ignore the past six years of canon

HOST:
It doesn't make much sense...

ANGEL:
It doesn't make much sense...

CORDELIA:
It doesn't make much sense...

ALL:
It never will.

[The Host, most at home under a spotlight anyway, steps forward for his dramatic monologue.]

HOST (spoken): I don't know what they think they're
doing, really. I mean, I know sweeps month is all
about sex and ratings, but has anyone detected a lick
of chemistry between these two crazy kids? Anyone?
Yeah, I didn't think so. Anyway, I'm not gonna kvetch
too loudly about any episode that features the ballet,
but what do you think the are chances that I'm gonna
get to go? Me, the only person in that hotel who would
really appreciate it? No, I'm gonna get stuck on
baby-sitting duty. Again. Never mind that there are
supposed to be hordes of supernatural assassins still
after this child...

ANGEL:
She made it clear...

CORDELIA:
Dumb Gypsy curse!

HOST:
That there's a total lack of chemistry...

CORDELIA:
He'd lose his soul...

ANGEL:
I want to live...

HOST:
They're sacrificing plot for T & A...

CORDELIA:
I'm eyeing him...

ANGEL:
Buffy who?

HOST:
There's only one advantage to this:
If Angel goes bad again
At least he might start wearing leather

Everything will change tonight at the ballet.
Close your eyes and hope for pain to come.
Yes, everything will change tonight at the ballet,
At the ballet,
At the ballet!!

ALL:
Yes, everything will change tonight at the ballet.

HOST:
Hey!

ANGEL:
I'll be dorky...

CORDELIA:
I'll be ditzy..

HOST:
Pray for mayhem...

ALL:
At the ballet.


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